And Growing Your Being

Years ago, in family therapy, our therapist, turned to the lot of us and declared that none of us were very good at Being, but we were all masterful at Doing. This stung me, but the truth of it was clarifying and liberating. It brought to mind an ex-boyfriend who got enraged with me because - when sitting down to watch a movie with him - I got my manicure kit out too, I was multi-tasking!

Abusive exes notwithstanding, I see now some of his point. Couldn’t I just be present? Couldn’t I simply BE with him without feeling the need to accomplish anything? Without skill or deft, he was pointing to the fact that I felt the need to be productive every second, minute, and hour of the day. He was triggered by this apparently innate anxiety that I had, this need to Do.

If you’ve ever struggled in meditation, trying to tame the monkey mind, then you know the struggle to Be well. We are programmed in this reality to Do. What I’ve noticed is that our doing is inextricably linked to our self-worth. We fill this self-worth with emotions. Cue the telenovela music! We use our emotions to prove our Being. And we can all get a sense of what trauma and drama come from that. So, between action-oriented Doing and the machinations of our interior emotional ping pong, what’s a girl to do? How do we begin to disentangle our sense of accomplishment and our self-worth from Doing? How do we reallocate it to Being?

You learn to BE! And learning you must do – because you certainly weren’t taught. Moreover, your joy and happiness is connected to your Being. And since so many of us are Doing instead of Being it’s no wonder we can find misery just about everywhere. So, what does being look like?

It’s knowing what’s good for you isn’t going to be the same as what’s good for everyone else. And, yes, now that I’m better balanced, I still do my nails in front of a movie - thank you very much.
It’s not giving a rats ass what anyone thinks of you and accepting the consequences of whatever that creates.
It’s going slow. It’s going fast. It’s sitting in stillness or it’s multitasking. Above all it’s not judging what floats your boat and what motivates you.
It’s making a practice of discovering what makes you joyful, then cultivating that and sharing it with others if you choose.
Ultimately, the DNA of Being is having the kindness for you that others are unwilling to be.

Oof, that last one hits differently.

Being is absolutely wrong in this reality. But please don’t believe me – test this for yourself by simply observing your world. Soon enough people will look at you sideways for being still and observing! And that’s when you’ll know you’ve arrived at Being. Stay the course. I’m here if you need me.