Reclaiming your time from gossiping energy vampires

I’ve found some of my greatest [edit: painful] personal lessons have come from my previous career in design.

Back in the 2000’s I was a newly minted Art Director. It was my first experience managing a team of creatives, I was thrilled and completely overwhelmed. I reported to a Creative Director who in turn reported to the Marketing Director.

The CD and I became thick as thieves. He spent more time in my office kibitzing than in his own. The focus of our yarns was the Marketing Director and her evil pernicious ways. He dished up story after story and I ate it like a pig at a trough, buying into all of the unconsciousness without question.

Gossip is curious in a number of ways:

• It’s high level complaining, which usually centers on a lack of acceptance with what is.
• It’s a fundamental killer of time.
• When in the throes, you believe you're being supportive for being a sounding board and it feels like bonding.
• It’s repetitive, you’ve likely had the same conversation in multiple permutations with a different set of variables.
• It’s addictive, because the stress hormones have trained your brain and body to want more and more.

It didn’t take long before I was fully in the draft of this manufactured drama. I mimicked his outrage so completely and felt perfectly justified in it. Then, something illuminating happened. I was pregnant with my first child and my husband picked me up by car from my Madison Avenue office in midtown.

As we snaked through traffic, from 54th Street, all the way over the Williamsburg Bridge, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been complaining for all those many blocks. I stopped, midway across the bridge, completely exhausted from hearing myself yammer. I turned sideways – looked at my husband, who was dutifully nodding and aheming me, and I made a decision. I asked him to ask me to shut up the next time I started on the subject.

And that was that. I had quit – cold turkey. After my kid was born and I returned from maternity leave, I let my boss know that I could no longer roll in that trough with him. I was done. He took it well and acknowledged that our working environment would be healthier for it - and it was.

Having been there, I’ve got a challenge for you

Can you reclaim your time?

Can you stand up to folks that continually want to bend your ear with nothing valuable to say?

What will you do with this new space?

What can come next is so much better. More opportunities, more awareness, more energy that is your own creativity and consciousness. I hope you take me up on the challenge, so much goodness awaits.

When I was a newly minted Art Director I was thrilled and completely overwhelmed. I reported to a Creative Director who in turn reported to the Marketing Director. The CD and I were thick as thieves. The focus of our gossip was the MD and her pernicious ways. He dished up the stories and I ate it like a pig at a trough.

Gossip is curious in a number of ways:

It’s high level complaining, which is lack of acceptance with what is.

It kills time.

In it you think you're being a supportive friend

It’s repetitive, you’ve had the same conversation with a different set of variables over and over.

It’s addictive, because stress hormones have trained your brain-body to want more.

I was fully in the draft of this manufactured drama, so much so that I mimicked his outrage and felt perfectly justified in it. Then, something illuminating happened, I got pregnant. One day my husband picked me up from work and we snaked through traffic. From midtown, and into Brooklyn it dawned on me that I had been complaining for all those many blocks. I stopped, exhausted from hearing myself. My husband was dutifully listening and nodding, and I made a decision. I asked him to ask me to stfu the next time I started up.

And that was that. I was done. When I returned from maternity leave, I let my boss know I could no longer roll in that trough with him. He took it well and acknowledged that our working environment would be healthier for it - and it was.

Having been there, I’ve got a challenge for you

Can you reclaim your time?

Can you stand up to folks that continually want to bend your ear with nothing valuable to say?

What will you do with this new space?

When you do this, more opportunities, more awareness, more energy that is your own creativity and consciousness fills the space. I hope you take me up on the challenge, so much goodness awaits.