Letting go of the urge to make yourself a victim

Many many moons ago, my best friend from college gave me the greatest gift. Not wrapped, just blunt, clear eyed honesty. She was upset about something, and I - always the ever anxious nervous nelly – asked her what I had done wrong. She said bluntly, “Why do you always think it’s about you?” Oof, the message was received loud and clear – and also – sweet relief! What a gift to point me out of my own way.

Now I see this pattern in self and others as a much darker iteration of shadow. The need to be centered in someone else's story, the privilege of it, the narcissism and insidious victim/victor dynamic – it’s gross. And yet, at one time or another most of us do it. The hard part is choosing to be aware and then getting out of the habit of making someone else's story about you. You should all be so lucky to have a friend like mine.

More personal experience tells me that there are folks who are deeply committed to perceiving the unconsciousness of others and/or the abuse they’ve received as a story about THEM. Freedom can only materialize when we begin to understand that the harm others perpetuate has not a whip to do with us (no matter how abusers try to convince you otherwise).

Sadly, so many folks are attached to their victim identity. Ever try to dislodge a victim from their story? “Victims are the most violent people,” says Byron Katie and I’ve certainly learned this first hand the hard way.

This is the point at which I need to make it crystal clear that I don’t under any circumstances condone abuse. Seems like a no, duh thing to say, but apparently some need to hear it. Every single day abusers abuse and unconscious people hurt others with zero afterthought. And some of us, only some of us, are reaching to be more conscious, more aware and more free. This is life in all its technicolor glory, good bad, right wrong.

Now, I wish I was so wise that I only learned this gem of wisdom from my dear friend once. But I continued to take others personally for many years to come. Gratefully though, she planted a seed of liberation within me. For that I am ever grateful, thank you Dookie ;-)

So, what victim storyline are you invested in? Who’s made you the villain or victim in their narrative?Can I help you out of that?

*What is Access Consciousness® coaching? Through their questioning format and use of the Clearing Statement we can create dynamic change in every area of your life - fast. These tools work to clear: limitations, judgments, and repetitive thought patterns on topics such as relationships, money, health, and business. The result is increased awareness and space. In that space, relief, joy and ease, which are your natural state, rise to the surface.

Now I see this pattern in self and others as a much darker iteration of shadow. The need to be centered in someone else's story, the privilege of it, the insidious victim/victor dynamic – it’s gross. And yet, at one time or another most of us do it. The hard part is choosing to be aware and then getting out of the habit of making someone else's story about you.You should all be so lucky to have a friend like mine.

This is the point at which I need to make it crystal clear that I don’t condone abuse. Seems like a no, duh thing to say, but apparently some folks need to hear it. Despite this, every single day abusers abuse and unconscious people hurt others with zero afterthought. And some of us, only some of us, are reaching to be more conscious. This is life in all its technicolor glory, good-bad, right wrong.

Now, I wish I was so wise that I only learned this gem of wisdom from my dear friend once. But I continued to take others personally for many years to come. Gratefully though, the seed of liberation had been planted within me. So, what victim storyline are you invested in? Who’s made you the villain or victim in their narrative? Can I help you out of that?