Too cool for school?
In that quest have you abandoned your awareness?

I got these little gems of questions from the book, Would You Teach A Fish to Climb a Tree, by Anne Maxwell, LCSW. It’s an absolutely brilliant book geared towards parents of children who show up different, who have autism, ADHD, OCD, etc. And I HIGHLY recommend it for just about anyone who feels like they’ve never fit in.

Anyway, these questions reminded me of someone I know, a genius really. They’re full of vim, vigor, promise and talent. Having been diagnosed with ADHD late in life, they’ve rejected the diagnosis. They also struggle with being authentically themselves. They’re deeply affected by the people, places and things around them. It’s hard for them to know where they stop and another person starts. They have a huge talent for being a chameleon. You can likely guess that this leaves a lot of questions from the people around them, because it can appear that this person has no personal identity, is shallow or worse, manipulative.

And the cool thing? They are also deeply committed to being super fucking coooool. They are impossibly stylish. They follow the latest trends of just about everything. And ooh, boy oh boy, do they judge! Not in on the latest and greatest? You’re ripe for judgment. Not judging others in the same way or to the same degree that they judge others? Yup, you’re judged again.

You get the picture. And you can see, in short order, how being around someone like this can be completely exhausting. Is this person hopeless? No. They’re figuring it out after dragging themselves through multiple addictions. Addictions to turn off the noise of all the insistent outside forces that they’ve been mimicing. Addictions managed so they could just be. Turns out, being cool and not simply being aware has wrung them out.

And the final addiction? To being cool? I wonder how it will play out. To give up image for the sake of finding one’s own authenticity is no easy task. Especially when those you’ve come to depend on expect you to show up a certain way. You risk the loss of a lot of relationships in that quest for authenticity. (psst…this is always a risk worth taking! Jump in! The waters fine!)

So, how about you? Do you have a commitment to the image of being cool? What’s the personal cost to you? Likely a lot. How do you fix this pattern? You begin by using your awareness. The body is the best place to start under circumstances like this. How does it actually feel to be a bystander at a fashion show or film shoot? Do you feel warm and fuzzy? Or does a kinetic, disquieting buzz take residence in your core? When you judge a friend who isn’t following the latest and greatest, can you sense the disconnection within your own body? Can you be aware of what’s going on in the body of the person you just judged?

See awareness and body are inextricably linked. And thank god for that! Checking in with body is a great way into awareness because unlike your mind, your body isn’t trying to prove anything to you. It doesn’t care for the latest trend. It’s a faithful servant. Your very best friend. And it has absolutely no idea how cool you think you are, nor does it care. It simply knows and affirms all of your povs. Like it or not. And povs can always be changed. If we’re willing.