Now what?

What to do with burgeoning awareness

 So it may look something like this...

You're planning - for weeks - a gathering of family or friends, what have you. When you get a suspicion that someone, central to the event, is not totally in. They may hem and haw, or they may show no outward sign of cold feet. What matters most is this suspicion you've got. This little nag that diminishes your anticipation and excitement.

Now most of us brush this off. We don't slow ourselves enough to look at this awareness. After all, the suspicion runs counter to what we want - which is for this event to go off without a hitch.

And there's the rub, there's a whole lotta stuff we don't want to know. Yet awareness requires us to slow down, to know what we know and to look at it.

So, time marches on and we get to our lovely event and the bottom falls out. That central person does the thing you suspected they'd do, they bailed and damnit, you're pissed.

Now if you'd engaged your awareness, and chosen to know what you know, this would look and feel a bit different. You'd be a lot less pissed. In fact, you’d likely chuckle - a knowing laugh - having proven to yourself how very powerful you are.

Could you have taken the opportunity to change the outcome? Can you change other people? I think not and this is the subject of a whole other newsletter. But, heck, changing the outcome isn’t the point.

The greatest point may be...you don't actually have to do anything with expanded awareness. You can take action if you like – to try to change the outcome. But maybe, your awareness is the point in and of itself. Simply choosing to know what you know: that the person you were counting on could not be counted on, brings a measure of relief.

So when this scenario pops up in your life, and you get that suspicion, know that you have choices. Ask yourself:

What can I do with this?

If you get stuck, let me know how I can help.

You have permission

To be happy

 I know I focus quite a bit on trauma. I'm pretty fresh coming through it myself and I worry sometimes that I lean on that too much with y'all. Sharing, perhaps oversharing...wanting to save others the pain I've been through.

I know it's not possible but if I can set some breadcrumbs down to show the way out then I feel it's been worth it. So - to shift - let me ask a couple of questions:

What's the point of being on this planet? 

Can we find our way to joy?

What's it gonna take to get there?

Truth be told I'm writing this newsletter from an airport bar.  I'm coming home from the memorial service of my aunt, my mothers oldest sister. There's something very clarifying about watching generations get closer to their at bat. I know too that that will be me someday. 

In my own circular journey I've arrived at this conclusion: the entire point of being here is to find your way to joy. I also know that for the vast majority of us, that sounds like a crock of sh*t.

So I offer more questions:

What can you put down (beliefs, people, places, things) that do not serve you?

Who could you become in the absence of those things?

This is a good enough place to start and frankly the hardest step. I had really significant attachments – people, places and things that I made so significant. And now, without them, I am so much lighter. I have no regrets, and much more joy is accessible to me. It wasn't easy getting here, there was a whole lotta  pearl clutching! But now, I'm free.

How about you? Let me know if I can help you traverse the way.

5 Psychic Misconceptions

Deconstructing awareness

I often interchange the words psychic and awareness. I mean, afterall what is a psychic capacity other than an enhanced awareness of ourselves and surrounding? Maybe half the population this capability. But far fewer actually tap into it. Here’s a short breakdown of what keeps people from trusting in their own awareness.

Misconception #1: Being aware is easy.

Y'all it ain't easy. This is no cake walk. Maintaining comfort and growing your awareness do not coexist. I am indeed sorry about that. The good news is, that with expanded awareness, everything does become crystal clear, in time.

Misconception #2: You can maintain selective awareness.

Y'all it's not possible to parse this stuff out. You're either aware or you choose not to be. It's only a choice. And real talk, most folks are unaware, and that is OK, no judgment from me! Choosing awareness is not for the faint of heart.

Misconception #3: Your life will be business as usual with awareness.

Nope, there's no going backwards folks. Y'all, I had a lovely client who was thrust into the world of spirit communication, can he turn that off now that he knows what he knows? I think not.

Misconception #4: Feelings and awareness are the same thing

Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are NOT your psychic awareness. Awareness may prompt certain feelings, but those come later - after the thinking mind has had it’s say. Do feelings somehow benefit or guide your awareness. That's a hard no. They don't help, they only lead to conclusion and judgment. The sooner you dis-identify with thoughts, feelings and emotions the saner you'll be. 

Misconception #5: You can maintain or stay the same.

Sorry to break it to y'all but, coming into awareness may break some eggs. This starts with getting real clear and honest about the who, what, wheres that support you or drag you down. This is the least easy part of awareness and as it may mean the end of things as you currently know them.

Is it any wonder why the vast majority of us put our heads in the sand? Gaining awareness is a marathon not a sprint. Remaining open and suspending judgement are key attributes. I’m here to guide you to know that you know. Let me know if I can support you.

Buying the Lies

Why we do it & how to stop

 Y'all I was in deep. So deep it's taken me nearly 10 years to claw myself out. So much trauma and drama swirling in my extended family and in my body, all because I bought some serious lies. 

 Here are the lies I bought:

My body is broken 

My family and the people I care about are for me.

 So much of what we do when we buy lies is because we're staving off our awareness. We can't see the truth (more true - we're unwilling to see it).

In my case I was unwilling to contemplate the complete brilliance of my body. For years I spent stuck in a loop: why was it betraying me? How do I fix it?

In my family relations I could not accept that there were folks, very close relationships, who had spent years judging, gaslighting and scapegoating me. I was more willing to buy the lies, and maintain my “wrongness” then I was willing to call them out and bring these relationships to a conclusion.

So I suffered. A lot.

Finally, after a long haul, my body helped me noodle it all out. I realized my body was responding to the lack of safety that I was refusing to supply for myself. My body, in it's supreme intelligence would not allow me to continue to carry on, blindly. 

What happened next, was that a tidal wave of vitality opened up for me. All the energy I'd used to maintain my denial suddenly got re-routed in the healing of the ding dang things I'd been managing.

What's hysterical is that I use my awareness professionally, but I'd been unwilling to use it in service to myself. Funny huh?

Now how do you stop buying lies? Perhaps you can start with a simple question:

What have I been unwilling to be aware of?

Opening the Pandora's box of awareness is never easy. There are good and valid reasons we've been unwilling to look. But if you're willing, perhaps inside are the keys to your well being?

If you need support in taking a look inside, I'm here for you.

In honor of YOU

Awe inspiring, jaw dropping, magical YOU

 I don’t say this enough, but, you inspire me. Seriously you do.

I’ve been on this professional path since 2016 and in that time:

• You’ve experienced harrowing losses, the deaths of those most near and dear to you

• You’ve lost your career and all the accompanying security

• Your partners have cheated or you have left longstanding relationships to chart the unknown, drawn toward an uncertain future

• You’ve been betrayed by family so deeply that you practically had whiplash

• You’ve survived domestic abuse, saved yourselves and your kids and have cultivated the courage to create a new future

• You’ve had near death experiences that have hollowed you and deepened you

• You’ve celebrated births while also managed grief

• You’re managing chronic conditions within your body and still find your footing each and every day

• You thought you needed to find your purpose or a romantic partner to justify your existence on this planet and are learning that your joy, gratitude and vulnerability ARE what creates meaning in your life

And you’ve invited me in to hold your hand through it all. I’ve been honored and grateful to witness your second, third and fourth acts. I thank you for the trust you’ve placed in me. I continue silently cheer you on. And lest you think I’m retiring – I’m just using a summer lull to bask, breathe, reflect and appreciate you.

You want what you want

So divest from the outcome

I know this is pretty counterintuitive but stay with me.

I’ve had countless clients who book my time in the hopes that our meetings will help them procure the outcome they are hoping for. This is of course, the most difficult encounter - when folks have an agenda. My most recent call fell into this vein. I knew in the first five minutes that she was bound up by her own expectations. Her resistance in full effect as she was yessing me, nodding her way through our session and clearly not listening. 

She had plans to attend to: the husband that was supposed to materialize years ago, a house they were to buy, babies she was supposed to be having, family expectations she was supposed to be meeting.

And him not showing up? That wasn’t according to plan.

Here's the thing, I saw none of that happening for her. It appeared to me that her life was to take a different path. Something energetically exciting and unfamiliar to her, something more nomadic and romantic. I didn’t get all the details, but what I did know for sure was that there was no white picket fence on her horizon as far as I could see.

And here’s the kicker. She knew this too. Toward the end of our call, our second in the last year, she admitted that she didn’t even want to get married. She went through a couple of relationships in the last year, half hoping they were the “one” that she could hitch her wagon to. But she couldn’t quite convince herself to take these relationships seriously. Side note: I’m never going to see something for you - if you a) don’t want that outcome or b) can’t imagine it for yourself.

And there's the rub…many of us are wanting things that perhaps aren't meant for us. On the subject of women of a certain age, marriage, babies, et al, is that even right for you? Is there something different or less conventional that you haven’t considered? Can you live with the mystery?

I see so many women trying to pour themselves into this particular mold with it’s narrow scope and definitions. Not that being a wife and mother is a bad thing, I did it, but I readily admit it’s not for everyone.

all of it, good and bad,.. And all of the “good” stuff - the stuff you want - follows your joy. Its really that simple. And the hard truth is that you can’t maintain your joy and do CONTROL at the same time.

You see, your life: the new job, world travel, partnerships and relationships, new home, is a creationship. It’s all built in partnership with so many energetic forces that are conspiring on your behalf. It all comes easier and faster if you loosen the reins, divest from all expectations and allow for something that is beyond your imagination (and mine!) and find your way to happy. 

 To help chop up the blocks of rigid thought and expectation I offer these questions:

How can I find ease and joy in this very moment?
What grand and glorious adventures does today have in store for me?
How does it get any better then this?

Who’s the boss of you?

Out of the disempowering dead end

What I know with complete certainty is that there are massive forces in our culture that benefit enormously from your self doubt. Think about all the industries: medical, cosmetic, professional and more that create distance between you and you and make a sweet profit in doing so. There are so many experts and so little time!

When I was pregnant with my first child I toured a freestanding birthing center in Manhattan. At the conclusion of the Q&A I sheepishly raised my hand and asked if she, the director of the clinic, thought it would be ok for me, a first time mom, to give birth naturally. She looked at me - and deadpan retorted: I don't know, what do you think? How she shifted the tables on me, putting my self doubt on display, really knocked my socks off. It was uncomfortable, but I was incredibly grateful for her wisdom in that moment. 

For me it laid bare the truth: believing in yourself, trusting in YOU is just a choice. Albeit, one we've been trained out of. So, what would life would be like if you trusted you? How could you benefit from trusting the still small voice within you?

What's your story?

And does it stick you?

For a long time I was convinced that I needed to FEEL better in order to be happy. I was deeply locked into a melodrama with my body. Years of fighting adrenal, thyroid and sex hormone imbalances, kicked my fight flight system into the chronically on position, which in turn put me in the vast, horrendous land of depression and anxiety. Perhaps you've had a visit there?

That seemingly innocent conundrum: believing my body needed to be cured or healed BEFORE I made any attempt to address the depression and anxiety kept me in a perpetual chronic illness loop. I know now it was a lie. It was this dead end story that kept me sick. 

Let me repeat that…according to the principles of neuroplasticity - your thoughts create a chemical - hormonal reaction in your body. This pattern of thought either supports healing or supports disease. I've personally discovered there's very little middle ground in this equation.

One day I'd had enough. I had no idea what it would take to change everything in my body and life that appeared sideways, but after 5 long years of being broken I needed to make a decision. And so I did. I made the decision to heal, without any evidence or guarantee that I'd be successful. 

And now here I am, safely on the other side. I still have some of the diagnoses that I'd started with. And some conditions disappeared quite miraculously. I won’t suggest it was easy, but it certainly has been worth it.

So how about you? What stories are you buying simply because they've been banging between your ears for a long time? I know how terrifying it can be to put them down. A tip to get started is to invite this question: “who will I become?”. Then pay attention to the stories that surface. Identify the ones that keep you stuck. Finally, don't repeat the stories, not to yourself, not to others, simply observe them.

This seemingly simple shift, developing an awareness of the stories you've invested in, can kick start your healing quest. 

If you need a helping hand I'm here for you.

Like me, don't like me

Getting out of giving a sh*t

This is one of my favorite ideas: Like me, don't like me. It's not my business.

I gave up being liked about the time I hung out my Psychic-Medium shingle. I chose the more outlandish title over the option of calling myself the more palatable version: Intuitive Consultant. 

I did this to close the exits so I couldn't back out. I did this so I could actually embody the freedom of being who I was - without the need for approval I'd previously spent my life striving for. I did it to claim my crazy, wild & weird self.

I realize now that this required a metric ton of courage. Seems all change has this requirement for entry. From where I was standing I was out of options. I'd spent my entire life working terribly hard to fit in. I was very successful at fitting in. I had a job on Madison Ave, a nice title, a six figure salary. But I was done. I was burnt out. I was quite literally falling apart at the seams from the need to fit in.

So all the areas we yearn to fit in: our bodies and our weight, relationships or the lack of them, parenting, personal conflicts, all of it gets better when you stop trying to make yourself fit into a scheme you didn't design. And that begins with not giving a sh*t what others think of you.

So, can I invite you on the irreverent path? 

Join me.

Alignments & judgments

And how they stick us

Months ago I was in an exchange with with someone about the upcoming Psychic Developement class I was offering. 

They had a line of questioning related to what pov I was teaching my class material from. In other words, they wanted to know what my lineage was. Will it be white eurocentric, drawing upon my own ancestry? Will it be rooted in the NY State religion of spiritualism? Or would I be repackaging stolen content from indiginous cultures and shilling it as mine but with a fancy new white bow?

I had to explain that I take the largest pov possible, from outer space. All of my consciousness exploration work inevitably leads there. So, no, sadly I’m not rooted in anything that’s of this world. 

This folks is an illustration of how you create a ‘just so’ world. Everything ordered. Everything neat and arranged, so as to not get upset. Everything, “just so” so that you don’t get triggered.

I get the compulsion to do this. Navigating the heaves of hate and violence of this reality is exhausting. So, folks assume that their alignments & judgments will cultivate a safe space. And I have just one question, has it worked yet? Far as I can tell, this world is bedrocked in hate and violence. 

So how do you cope when everything doesn’t fit neatly into your world view? Does creating a safe space ensure your survival? Perhaps for a time. But it’s not a great long term strategy, lord knows I’ve tried. If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself in a state of perpetual surprise when the world falls apart, which seems to be happening with alarming regularity these days.

I’ve found a different way, a peaceful way and that’s to allow what is. 

Now, the next natural step from there is to grasp that we are ONE with everyone and everything we are judging. How deeply inconvenient. 

To take it further, I also released the ingrained feeling that I’m somehow responsible for saving the world. Poof gone. Now I’m free to accept the world on it’s terms, and I’ll continue to do me, moving towards ease and joy – despite the unfolding of what’s around me.

So, how about you? Can I encourage you to abandon your precious pov’s? What would it take to navigate toward your own ease and joy? Could a few more conscious and happy people be a paradigm shift for the world? Maybe, just maybe, and call me if you need support.

Ultimate choice

Where your attention goes

 This is one of those deeply inconvenient truths. So inconvenient that most folks deny the truth of it. Our attachment to our thoughts, feelings and emotions runs deep. Our very identities are aligned with the gurgle of chatter that is the nature of mind. 

 The fact of the matter is that if we can't control our own minds what power do we have to sustain lasting change for ourselves - for our world?

What choice do we have?

For many people meditation helps at quieting the mind. A long time ago running helped to quiet my mind. The rhythmic beat of my feat would entrain my consciousness. Sometimes I'd pair the beat of my feet with an affirmation. It was good medicine.

 Since I started receiving energy work on a weekly basis achieving an empty mind has been a A LOT easier. Regardless of whether or not I have my running sneakers on. I’ve also paired this energy work with removing people from my life who see a wrongness in me. Now in addition to less mental clutter – I breath easier too, sweet relief!

These steps have given me so much space. Gone is the overwhelming responsibility I used to feel for fixing the world, which feels like an added bonus..I wonder what your strategies are for centering yourself in this wild world. If there's a new choice I can support you in making, you know how to reach me.

If you're laughing

You're free

I love this quote from Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness. It’s such a sneaky truth. The first time I listened to him, and co-founder Dr. Dain Heer, speak, I thought, Jesus these guys are idiots. Then I got the waves of benefits from what they offered and stood corrected.

I’ve been receiving the system of energy work they founded for just about a year now and everything has changed. I’ve gotten vast improvements in my health, my marriage, business and even my kids have benefitted from me being less heavy. And when they’ve let me run their bars, they’ve felt lighter too.

Now, I’m feeling more and more like a Village Idiot, and I’m perfectly content with that. I’ve released the need to take things seriously, figure it all out and found the complete wisdom of lightness, joking and putting down anything heavy. Life is way too short for all that.

 All these changes have made me like an evangelist for energy work and the Access system of asking questions. In questions we open to possibilities, and let’s face it - couldn’t we ALL benefit from more possibilities and fewer conclusions? In questions we open to the expansiveness of what’s right for US. We put down the need to add everyone and everything else to our equation. This leads to so much more ease. And that dear reader is what I hope for you all – ease and joy.

But can we receive ease and joy? That’s a question for another day…

In honor of PRIDE month, I’ll close out with a joke….

Q: How does a non-binary warrior attack? 

A: They/Them (get it? They-slash-Them)

Doing what you love

And never working a day in your life

Years ago a potential client called me to book an appointment. We had a pleasant exchange till I got to the point that I told her I didnt have any availability till the following week. 

She became indignant and explained that she needed an appointment immediately because “with all the time I’d have till the appointment I could be researching her”.

I had to laugh out loud. What she didn’t understand was, the entire point of me becoming a psychic medium was PRECISELY because I wanted to stop working hard. I did 17+ years of hard. I know how to jump through corporate hoops. I know how to deny my very being in hostile environments. I noped out of that type of work a long time ago. And I noped out of that appointment with her. 

Researching people is tedious, unpleasant and heavy work. Unless of course you like that sort of thing. Not me. I literally asked the Universe to show me the way out of that life. And here I am. I get to be me for a living. My job is being in a flow state. My job is to use my awareness to get to some unGoogleable information that will help others get to a place of clarity. I have no magic wands and yes I’m occasionally off (and provide a refund), but I would not trade this level of ease for doing life the hard way ever again.

Here are three tell tale signs of gearing up to do what you love:

• You’re terrified to take the step and yet it keeps popping in your head or your world.

• Doing what you love is connected to what makes you “weird” and you’re afraid of all the judment you’ll incur.

• It’s easy, profoundly easy for you to do whatever it is. So easy in fact it goes against everything we’ve ever been taught, thus it’s why you dismiss it.

Negative Realities

Looking squarely at what is

 I’m a reformed Pollyanna. Rose-tinted sunglasses were firmly perched on my nose for the majority of my life. While I wasn’t a total rube, I figured my sunnyside of life point of view could conquer all. This was the disorienting state of affairs from which I ordered my mind. I could never reconcile the constant onslaught of violence, particularly as it relates to our country's children. 

 The challenge to a Pollyanna identity is this extraordinarily violent reality. There is no adequate happy middle between the two. The events of Ulvade, Sandyhook, and the 2,032 school shootings since 1970 are a clear indication that violence is not a bug, but a feature of this reality. This violence is by design, someone benefits. A bitter pill for any Pollyanna to swallow.

 So what are we kind-hearted folks to do?

• Don't deny the reality in which we live. The forces of unconsciousness and anti-unconsciousness loom very, very large.

• Accept that for unconscious and anti-conscious beings, violence in and of itself is deeply satisfying.

• Understand that those of us striving for consciousness are visiting this reality, we did not create it and our ability to change it is severely restricted.

• Continue to lead with vulnerability and kindness which threatens the war reality.

• Focus on the creation of new realities. Interpret this however you choose. 

• Be prepared to fight for your reality and creation.

• Buckle up, it may be a bumpy ride

For those that are empaths, who feel, within our physical selves, the suffering of others, the waves of violence are relentless bodily stress. Know that there is no amount of suffering on your part that will challenge this reality. Your suffering won’t make unconsciousness or anti-consciousness diminish. Instead, love hard, out-create the hate, stop apologizing for your point of view, lean in with joy, and be wildly and unapologetically you. Finally, get support in whatever way works for you. I'm here when you need me.

Get free

And what’s preventing you from it

Like so many people I’ve spent a lifetime trying to fit in. I did all the expected things: college, solid job, marriage, kids. When problems arose I took on more work to ease others, I did family therapy, made amends, tried to “change” and see things from others peoples points of view. I inhabited these points of view - to appease them, but never felt ease. I’ve spent so many years trying to fit in, to blend in, and be like others, so as not to disrupt till the relentless suffering came.

Then I realized something extraordinarily powerful:

I don’t fit in. 

It’s such a simple, obvious and yet startling revelation. What followed was a tumble from my mind: 

• I didn’t invent this reality that I’ve been struggling to fit in. 

• What works for others doesn’t work for me – and that is OK. 

• And those other points of view I tried to inhabit? They were bullshit used to control me for years.

I reflected on all the touchpoints in my life: school, work, family, friends. I saw how often I had been “othered”. I observed how many years I’d spent in the limbo of trying to survive gaslighting, projections and scapegoating. I acknowledged how much manipulation and abuse I put up with because I thought I was supposed to work within these systems, adapt to them or change them.

Till finally, I received the most amazing gift, an awareness that: your wrongness is your strongness. This concept is so simple, so refreshing and so liberating.

And now I’m safely on the other side. I’m growing, cultivating and liberating my weirdness. I’m pulling oxygen into my “wrongness” and growing it larger then I’ve ever allowed myself before. I’m happier and healthier then I’ve ever been in my life. 

So, how can I lend a hand to you: sensitive soul - empath - blacksheep - weirdo - artist - friend? Can I help you out of seeing a “wrongness” in your strongness?

Psychic myth-busting

Pulling back the curtain

First off is the lie of the generational psychic. This hinges on the premise that you need to be born into a psychic tradition in order to be truly authentic. How can that possibly be true when nearly 50% of the population is psychic? It’s a statistical and mathematical impossibility.

Next up is the trope of the celebrity psychic. There are more then a handful of psychic mediums that purport to be a “psychic to the stars”. This is a simple marketing ploy aimed at the folks so bored with their own lives that they spend countless hours on consuming tabloid gossip.

Finally is the storefront psychic that claims to remove curses and return lost lovers. These scams, which are always preceded with an accurate tarot reading, aim to drain your pockets and keep you on the hook for many months and thousands of dollars to come. Steer clear of these predators.

Here’s the thing, a psychic medium reading is on it’s most basic level a custom - just for you - meditation. What comes out of the psychic’s meditative state induced imagination is simply what comes. And if your ears are burning with the word: Imagination, think of your imagination as a receiving zone - not an invention zone. The imagination is the stage on which information about your life and that of your deceased loved ones appears. Is it going to be 100% accurate? Maybe, but not always. What should come through are some excellent kernels of non-Googleable information. Information that provides clarity and ease with what is and what’s to come. Psychics should have zero vested interest in the outcome of the read. It’s not their life, it’s yours. Their only interest should be to do a good job on your behalf. 

So, what myths and lies are you running on? What are you curious about that I can help dispel? Are you of the 50% that is psychically aware, but running on a loop that there is someone or something that has greater awareness then you? Let me know if I help you out of that…

Being Confrontational

A blacksheeps most undervalued skill.

This topic came up strong this week in class. For the last 3 weeks we’ve unearthed fear, doubt and judgment, a monumental task. So I mistakenly thought the tough stuff was behind us. I expected that as we pivot to the topic of our Power that it would get easier. But alas, coming into your power has prerequisites. Each one building on the next.

Chief pre-req to coming into your power is learning to speak up for yourself. I don't know how I had the grace to embody this at a young age. Perhaps it came from confronting my father re: a long held family secret that I got saddled with at a very young age. Maybe, it came from confronting my mothers misplaced rage. Or perhaps it came when I schooled my boss on the inappropriateness of receiving underwear from him for my birthday (the wrong size no less). 

Now I wish all these had primed me for the monumental betrayals that would come later in life. Sadly those came not quite as a shock, but rather a naturally unfolding melodrama of the family blacksheep. Any other blacksheep reading this?

But here’s what the gift of learning to confront taught me: I can't be killed. I am, my consciousness is, literally and metaphorically indestructable. Every cell in my body knows this. And that is a hard won gift I would not trade for all the tea in China.

In the class, I came to a curious realization. Most people simply do not know HOW to confront. The how seems obscured by a gigantic fear of death. It’s this fear that keeps most things stuck in our lives. The simple equation is that we’re taught to live in a system that hinges our survival on: our boss, our parents and family systems. To confront is to literally bite the hand that’s fed you.

Now, if that hand also abuses you it’s in your best interest to start biting. It’s an ultimate leap of faith. Till you learn to speak up, nothing will change. Abusers and their complicit enablers will continue to abuse. And at the point that you mentally put all this together, and still chose not to confront, then you are making a choice to stay exactly where you are.

Screwing up the courage to confront? I’m here when you need me.

Maddening meditation

Secrets that make it easier

While I was still working in midtown Manhattan I used to do my design work and listen to spiritual audio recordings at the same time. And comedy too, I tend to think comedy falls into a spiritual category, but that’s for another newsletter. While surfing around through Youtube I was entertained by Terrance McKenna, Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Jiddu Krishnamurti, and eventually Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. 

What I fell in love with was the simplicity of the 70’s era videos that had been uploaded. Panned shots of fields of flowers. Dew resting on blades of grass – sunrises. This was a welcome relief from the hubbub of the office and grueling commute to get there. A little oasis right on my screen. I leaned into the squeaky pitch of the Maharishi’s voice. And for someone like me whose anxiety was at full throttle, his clarity, wit and cheer lifted and transported me. I sincerely wondered how someone could be that cheerful and free of stress.

Years later, when the anxiety I’d been managing went from bad to worse and brought with it the health woes, I turned toward the Maharishi again. I was out of work at that point and suffering greatly. I paid an enormous chunk of money [tapping my retirement account - never a good idea] to get my mantra and training. I showed up for myself 2 times per day, as instructed, for my 20 minute meditation allotments. I did this for two and a half years straight, never missing a day.

What I expected from this effort was to heal. To regain my health. I expected a miracle and at first, I didn’t think that miracle had come. I was pissed that for all the time and effort I’d put in I had very few if any health gains to show for it. So, I got bitter and quit. 

The break in meditation helped me to see something wholly new in myself and entirely weird and wonderful. Even in my despairing insomnia-wracked nights, I had the ability to shift and become an Impartial Observer. I found I could actually muster a sense of humor about it. The Impartial Observer in me allowed me to acknowledge that the bitterness didn’t feel good. It gave me the space to make a new choice, to distract myself, without judging my current predicament. This space did not exist before my meditation practice. In the past, I was pretty well convinced that I was the sum total of my thoughts. 

Within the container of two and a half years that I was consistent, I never experienced any relief while I was meditating. Which, in addition to healing, was what I was yearning for. The constant, incessant stream of noise in my head never seemed to quiet. 

Finally, more than a few years later, I attended follow up training sessions that TM offered. I learned the fundamental secret that would have made it all make so much more sense. Chronic flow of thoughts that interrupt are a biological response of the body. Over-thinking is basically a valve, releasing stress. And since I was in a chronic state of stress, that’s all my body was capable of doing. This is more obviously true of fidgeting, itching or any movement, voluntary or otherwise that distracts you. It’s just stress, don’t attach any meaning to it.

Now, TM isn’t right for everyone. And what I’ve come to discover is that while meditating has been helpful to me, even the circular way that I acknowledged it, really any type of meditation is beneficial. So, to that end, here are some ideas:

• Consider your strengths. Are you visual, audio or physically dominant? Choose a practice that aligns with that strength. 

• Ignore the meditation purists. They think they are the gatekeepers to consciousness, which has no gates. 

• Walk. Walking everyday, sans headphones. You can repeat an affirmation to the beat of your footsteps if you’re feeling frisky.

• Watch. There are wonderful animated gifs you can follow along with here. link: https://www.doyou.com/10-awesome-gifs-for-calm-breathing-59450/

• Listen. Pop in your earbuds in and listen to some relaxing meditation music.

• Breathe. Just be aware of it, the sensation – no guiding or forcing. You can add saying In on the in breath, Out on the out breath.

• Download an app. There are many popular ones to choose from.

How about you folks, any tips to share? I’d be curious to know your experiences with meditation, hit reply and let me know.

How To Be A Stealth Lightworker

Imagination + attention = magic 

Chances are if you live and work in a big city, at some point your psyche will be confronted with people suffering poverty, homelessness, mental illness and addiction. Which means that getting through your daily commute can be a dispiriting grind … even for the happiest of us.

 I currently live in New York and back when I moved to Brooklyn in the late 90’s, daily life included facing these human conditions, frequently and often all at once.

 Back then, I worked full-time, spent my weekends as a literacy volunteer and gave money to the homeless when I could, but my heart was challenged with the suffering I witnessed. Over the years I’ve done my fair share of spiritual learning and self development. I’d learned the power of thought, intention and prayer, so I decided to put it in action.

 While riding the train one day I sat a few seats down from a mom and her young daughter. The mother was angry and her tone with her daughter was hard to hear. In the past I would have judged the mom, but as I’ve become a mom myself with all of its attendant stresses, my heart broke for her. No mom wants to lose it. So I closed my eyes and imagined light pouring into the crown of mom’s head then moving to her heart and healing her momentary suffering. I acted, in stealth, as her guardian lightworker.

Being a lightworker is simple, you use your intention and imagination to effect good in the world. Your imagination is the plane on which you create the tools you use and implement: light, magic wands, color, smoke -whatever floats your boat. The more personal your tools are to you, the more effective you’ll be. Then use them, creatively and with your positive intent to heal, alleviate suffering or whatever goodness you want to bring into the world.

 As I’m typing these last words I can hear the chorus of doubters chiming in. And to everyone I say, be skeptical and play with this. Try light work on people (or pets for that matter) within your social circle, take notes, gather data and see for yourself. Only you can know, from direct personal experience, whether or not you feel you’ve made an impact. If at the end of your experiments you don’t feel you’ve had an effect, chances are you made yourself feel better in the process. The end of your own suffering is reason enough to continue to do it.

The beauty of lightwork is that it doesn’t require a belief in a god or regular services at the denomination of your choice. You simply shift the focus of your thought from judgment and pain to generosity and love. Love without conditions.

On the train that day, after I applied the light I opened my eyes and sat. A split second later I heard a miracle. The mom apologized and put her arm around her daughter. As the mom and daughter stood to exit the train at the next station our eyes met and we smiled at each other.

Do I claim responsibility for the warm and fuzzy outcome between the mom and her daughter? No, that victory belongs to them. What I do claim is the energy that I put out in the world and my intention to use love as a tool with reckless abandon. It’s my hope that you’re encouraged to do the same.

 If any of this tickles your senses perhaps it's time to look into my Psychic Development Masterclass. Hit reply and I’ll get you on the waitlist for that.

Manipulation is Underrated

With all the craziness going on in the world I got to thinking about the evil genius of facism, white supremacy and religious fundamentalism. At a minimum, they're all systems of control  and manipulation rooted in fear to achieve false power and all-to-real domination. I’ve got to hand it to these age old systems, they are quite effective and profoundly devastating. 

We all, in one fashion or degree of another have been harmed by these systems. I grew up within a Protestant system, with layers of white supremacy, misogyny and a good dollop of WASP values on top. Modesty, shame, stoicism and silence are baked in and in my case the landscape made cloudy by a closeted alcoholic. Self realization is not encouraged within these systems. On the WASP end I was taught explicitly never to discuss money, politics or religion. It’s only now that I’ve learned the purpose of this silence, under the pretense of good breeding and manners, is designed to keep people who look like me in the ruling class. Ingenious really.

I recently learned an adage that I’m giving some thought to – that is, if you’re unwilling to manipulate you remain vulnerable to being manipulated. Hmm, very interesting. I can clearly see the edges of truth in this when I reflect on my own experiences.

Now, the next conceivable leap is to personally ask this question of yourself. Can you manipulate for the greater good? Can you manipulate and out create your enemies to elevate your righteous cause? Is the world waiting for you to cast off the burden of old conditioning, break the bonds of goodness and badness, rightness and wrongness and get down to business?

I hope so. I know the power of your light is needed in this world.