The End of Chronic Illness

The second set of keys to get you off the loop

Beginning in February I shared the first 3 tips to get you off the chronic illness loop. That email was one of my most widely read. While on the one hand, I hope it was helpful. On the other hand, I'm distressed you all needed it. So I’ll keep these dispatches coming and let me know if you have any questions about the tips.

A while back I heard a statistic from a family doctor who postulated that over 70% of illness was stress induced. I’d bet dollars to donuts the numbers are far worse than that. My personal journey turned a massive corner when I stumbled upon a questionnaire that helped me determine my ACE score (click here to determine your score). ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. I scored a 3. According to the Centers for Disease Control:

61% of adults had at least one ACE and 16% had 4 or more types of ACEs. Females and several racial/ethnic minority groups were at greater risk for experiencing 4 or more ACEs. Many people do not realize that exposure to ACEs is associated with increased risk for health problems across the lifespan

My reaction to this was: holy sh*t. So many missed diagnoses, so many docs too busy to actually listen, and so many specialists charging out-of-reach rates. I know you know. At that moment, I finally felt like I’d hit the nail on the head regarding what had plagued me for years. Knowing my ACE score helped me make some fundamental changes to some primary relationships in my life. Beginning with boundaries and swiftly moving into my own power. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been richly rewarded. I hope knowing your own score empowers you to reflect and take whatever steps are necessary to save your own life – yes, I believe it’s as dire as that. 

As you move forward if you decide to make changes to relationships, please know - you will not be rewarded by those who’ve benefited by you being down. Their reaction may confound and even shock you. You being disempowered serves them in one aspect or another. So, no, they won’t green-light you. You have to green light yourself. This journey can be lonely and taxing. Stepping off the karmic wheel of generational trauma isn’t for the meek. This is warrior work and I invite you to it. I’m here if you need me. Now, on to the keys…

Gratitude
In the midst of my circuitous journey toward wellness I started a gratitude practice. Then I hit a rough patch and got mad and gave it up. Then things got immeasurably worse. So I picked up the gratitude practice again and over time things began to improve again. In gratitude we’re training our brains to look for the good in our lives. The brain responds by calming it’s disease inducing stress response, calming the stress hormone output and releasing feel good hormones. These feel good hormones all the body to heal – full stop.

Progress
Keeping track of your progress is an indispensable part of this process. Keep a small calendar and keep track of what you’ve accomplished. Went for a walk? Write it down. Tapped your toe to a good song? Write it down. Called a friend? Write it down. Redirected your anxious thoughts to feel better by watching puppy and kitten videos? Write it down. Do not track any of the disease and dysfunction if possible. Your brain is already too aware of it. You need to condition your brain to acknowledge all the work you’re putting in toward healing yourself. It will take some time to get used to acknowledging your progress – it’s a slow build, keep at it. 

Rewards
Understanding how the brain works is so important. Without educating yourself about the brain, we run the risk of falling backward. Know that the brain is designed to revert to it’s old neural networks making progress an inherently janky process. One way to reverse this is to treat your brain like a toddler. Toddlers learn largely through rewards. Your brain is no different. So, when you experience success, no matter how small, you must acknowledge it with a reward. A great idea is to buy little gold stars, the kind that teachers would put on your schoolwork. Put a star on the progress calendar for every week you invest in this process of well-being. Whatever you do, be generous with yourself!

Finally, I’m in the midst of launching my first course, a Psychic Development Masterclass. I had originally intended to launch a class called: The End of Chronic Illness. But the feedback for Psychic Development won out in my lead-up. If I developed The End of Chronic Illness into a class, please let me know if you’d be interested in that. 

Please Note Image:
While I strongly encourage folks to take complete and total responsibility for their health I make an important distinction between curing and healing. Healing is always within our grasp, even if we are still managing an illness.

Additionally, not all illnesses are stress induced. We do not know why children and infants experience cancer or why folks of African descent are disproportionately affected by Sickle Cell Anemia. There are limits to what neuroplastic healing techniques can accomplish.

Attention over Intention

Learning this from Chi Gong. No pushing, no effort whatsoever.

I suffer from anxiety. Feels like I always have. I remember as a child getting ready for school and nearly having a panic attack at the thought of missing the bus. That’s how afraid I was of being a burden on my mother who would then have to bring me to school herself. I was 5 years old.

This agitation settled in my bones and by the time I was an adult I felt like I was practically percolating. I was new to living on my own and having a hard time finding my footing. I simply could not calm down. I made a joke one day about wanting to take a drug to soothe this condition when my co-worker, a pharma sales rep, scoffed and told me I was experiencing anxiety. I had long heard the word but never knew what it meant as I was raised in a system of self-denial on the one end and stoicism on the other. So it’s no surprise that self reflecting on my own mental states was foreign and felt self referential.

So began my mission to find ways to feel better. I knew intuitively that volunteering would help and it did. One of the main ways my body responds to this anxiety is to seize up my breath. For years I held a low level tension in my diaphragm, making it impossible to take a full breath. I’ve tried so many modalities to relieve this: yoga, running, breathwork [helpful], psychotherapy [not so much] and more.

I recently found my way to Qi Gong and followed a guided meditation that paces you through awareness of your nostrils, sinuses, throat, lungs, diaphragm and body cavity. Which coalesced into a connection of the entire system. It was really interesting and for the remainder of the day I experienced so much more lung capacity. Fascinating how the mind - connecting to the body can create space instantly. My breathing has been more effortless. And something the instructor said has stuck with me. He explained that in this meditation it’s not advised to follow the breath in and out. That it's important to release any intention or desired outcome. That our breath, our very life force needs no muscling, no guidance, no instruction. There’s nothing to figure out or do. We simply need to observe and be attentive, that’s it. 

What a welcome relief.

In my metaphysical world, the word intention is prized. Intention is bandied about as some kind of magic elixir used to create all kinds of change. Using intention, in the immaterial world, is how we gauge our effort and make our way toward a projected goal. Now, here is this guy saying it wasn’t necessary. He suggested that simple awareness, without guiding anything was enough. I felt the truth of this in my body. Which of course is making me rethink every other area of my life where I’ve applied intention.

Could this principle apply to your life? Can you apply your attention to a desired goal without trying to muscle it out? I’d love to hear how it goes for you.

Coming out

On the heels of my courageous son

So, this is a wild story. I was pregnant with my youngest, and still working in the corporate world. One day I waddled into the kitchen and got to talking with a fellow pregnant co-worker. At the time Caitlyn Jenner had recently transitioned and she was all over the news. I guffawed at the hub-bub over her transition. I turned to my co-worker and cracked wise: “For crying out loud, what’s the big deal? Either of these babies we’re carrying could be trans!” The look she shot me told me everything I ever needed to know about her. It was at once a mix of hostility and shock, as if I’d cursed her unborn child. No sooner was I absorbing that, when a voice - like a little bird - appeared in my mind and said: “you’re talking about yourself”. Needless to say I was stunned and quickly batted this voice away. I was also still in the habit of ignoring and pushing off these little voices and visions and I carried on dutifully.

Fast forward to our sonogram appointment. My husband was driving and we were bantering about names. I was certain I was having a boy, who, according to Italian tradition, would be taking my Father in law’s name. So, I didn’t feel like trying too hard in the name generation game. Out of nowhere I heard the word that would become my [now] son’s name. I turned to my husband about a minute later and told him he’d come up with the perfect name. He gave me some side eye and gently corrected me. No, he told me, I had said the name. Huh? I was certain he’d said it. So, who used me to say that name? Who knows I thought, and I brushed that off too.

Finally, March rolled around and I rolled right along with it. The day was unseasonably warm and I met my brother in law at the park so all the cousins could play. I told him I was in labor, not feeling so hot, and very likely to give birth before the day was out. He asked me if I’d read the weather report that day, no I hadn’t. Apparently, that night was to be the biggest full moon in 18 years. Moon, the name of my child (in Italian) that I received many months earlier. Neat, I thought and again, I didn’t acknowledge the course I was on.

Sure enough, he arrived on March 19, 2011, close to 8 pm on a Supermoon, it felt like the largest moon I’d seen in my lifetime.

Baby pictures

For all that wonderful ramp up to his birth, he was a challenging baby. I know now in retrospect it’s largely because I didn’t know who he was (even though I’d been forewarned!). He was collically, hardly slept, and I felt broken. We muddled along and he just never seemed to find an even ground, which meant I didn’t either. When he was 2.5 years old he told me he was a boy in whatever toddler language he could muster. I was thunderstruck. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t honor his identity from the start. I was midstream in that nasty chronic illness stuff and didn’t have the capacity to be me, much less help him navigate his identity. So, I stuck my head in the sand and of course everything got worse as it does when you're in denial. Night terrors, sleep walking, tantrums, despair are what followed for him. I was also met with a deeply disquieting feeling that my child may not be long for this world which I couldn’t seem to shake.

Finally, when he was 5, after he’d timidly told us a couple more times that he was a boy, I finally started to edge closer. I changed his wardrobe, he got all stereotypically boy themed toys for Christmas and quietly, just between us, I called him my son. One day, after school, I acknowledged how sad he was. I asked him if anyone at school knew that he was a boy. He said, “No, I have to keep my secret.” And that folks, is when it all came thundering in. I knew instantly that I was the source of his pain. I knew I was the problem. I knew that his “secret” and my denial would end him, slowly but surely. I grabbed him, held him tight and told him, “No, you don’t have to keep secrets. I’m going to fix this, I’m going to make a way for you”. And that was the beginning of his social transition (which amounts to a haircut and change of clothes).

It took time for him to trust this pivot that our family made. We immersed ourselves in beginning to understand being transgender meant. We discovered that gender identity forms as young as 2-3 years old. We learned that kids know who they are and when not affirmed we were setting our child for failure and worse. We got ourselves into a family support group. We go to events for kids and families like ours. And now, gratefully, he feels affirmed and seen for who he is. It's taken time for him to learn to feel safe in his body and in our family. I wish I had affirmed him sooner. But like I said, I wasn’t in the habit of listening to myself yet.

As he transitioned and grew comfortable over time, I also transitioned. It wasn’t a gender transition – but a new understanding of who I was. Last week I mentioned feeling comfortable in being unremarkable. I was now faced with the choice to embrace what made me remarkable and weird. I had loads of personal evidence for it. But not a lot of support, beyond my friendship with Marge. I took buckets of courage and sadly some losses. But like Maya Angelou said, I “wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now”.

So, how can I help you in your journey to weirdness. I promise it’s the most special part about you. I’m launching my Psychic Development Masterclass on March 29, and I’d love to have you along on the journey. Reply and let me know if you’d like to be a part of it.

*disclosure: I have my son’s complete permission to share this story. He knows that by revealing our story we have the opportunity to change hearts and minds. There is A LOT of anti-trans rhetoric targeting trans kids especially. It's my hope that in sharing our story, you come to better understand gender identity and the courage that’s required for these folks to become who they are. Below are some ideas on how you make a way for trans kids. Thank you.

I’m not special

Or am I? Sussing out “the gift”

I remember hearing the words: target market as a kid. I knew it was related to some marketing mumbo-jumbo that I didn’t entirely understand. Yet at the same time, I felt some affinity for the words. It felt mass, and indistinct. I somehow knew I was in that swell, that I was part of this amorphous blob that people sell things to. I know for many the mere idea of that makes them queasy. It didn’t bother me, in fact, it kind of gave me comfort then, knowing my place in the matrix. I used to imagine that downstream from this idea was the peculiar feeling that I was invisible. That I blended into my surroundings, that I’m some sort of changeable avatar that folks project stuff on to.

This feeling was confirmed often.  Growing up I can’t tell you how many times folks would tell me I looked “just like” their cousin, school mate, co-worker, aunt or friend. I didn’t seem to be distinct in any tangible way, I just looked like who other people saw in me. Again, not everyone’s cup of tea, but it kind of tickled me. 

I knew, this human form of mine is simply the shape, they couldn’t possibly know what I contained, inside. In fact I didn’t have language for what was inside of me and the myriad of experiences I’d had, till I met Marge. There was no one in my immediate family who could relate to my interior world. So I mostly kept it to myself. Whenever I mentioned my experiences folks seemed to think I was a flake, lying or crazy. So, yah, you learn to keep quiet about these things.

What I didn’t know at the time was all that hiding in plain sight had a cost. Years of going with the flow. Years of not upsetting the apple cart. Years of deferring to others – ignoring my own internal values. Years of being ignored or worse being on the receiving end of hostility because of how I experienced the world. 

Of course the bill came due on all of this and grudgingly, I sought ways to become myself. In this “coming out” process (more on that theme next week) confirmation I got from clients was that they were grateful to me for sharing “my gift”. I gotta be honest, that I get to do this work, that it comes so easily to me, it feels just like me being me. I didn’t sense “a gift” apart from the courage that’s been required to become. Courage has always felt to me like the most hard-won gift. As for being psychically inclined, I always believed that just about everyone has this “gift”.

But I’ve been thinking about that more in depth. I heard a quote recently, to paraphrase it: roughly 48% of the population are creators (artists and the like). Another 48% don’t believe in the magic behind creation and the remaining 4% are out to destroy this reality. Sounds about right to me from what I’ve seen and experienced of life so far. I would define psychics as creators, folks who use the stage of their imagination to glean information for other folks. So, this quote was a bit clarifying for me. And then I get to thinking about all the problems that creators have: their very being – being made a wrongness in this reality. Yeah, I’ve been there.

In my Psychic Development Masterclass, we’ll be getting out of that wrongness. We’ll be getting into our power. We’ll learn to live unapologetically. I wonder if you are in the 48%. Care to join me?

It only took 22 years

For my husband to admit I was right

Ok, this is cheeky I admit. But I do have to chuckle. Just last week I got a text from my husband (below). In it he admits, without saying it exactly, that he should listen to me and finally follow his own intuition. We’ll be celebrating 22 years this coming May. Clearly, I’m a terrible influencer that it took me this long to persuade him to live from this intuitive place. But alas, here we are. 

Now I gotta tell you folks how completely bananas it has made me to watch him (or my kids for that matter) acknowledge something “subtle” and then turn around and completely ignore themselves. It’s a miracle I have hair left from pulling it out in frustration! I’m joking, but seriously though, my kids have always been curious about what I do. They’re much more interested then my husband has been, in acknowledging their psyche’s pings and incorporating them into how they navigate the world. 

My husband on the other hand has leaned in the other direction. He’s flirted with atheism and had a strong side of skepticism over the course of our relationship. Side note: I’m personally a big fan of skepticism, and always encourage folks to be rigorous in self reflecting and testing the veracity of the information that they get from their own psyches. So, needless to say, it was a big surprise to get this text from my husband. 

And here’s a wild wrinkle…about 10 years into our marriage he totally blew my mind by telling me that prior to our relationship he had gone through a season of seeing psychics regularly. Cue my shock and awe (indeed, self proclaimed psychics don’t know everything!). I’d always known my husband as a doubter, a strong protector of his own psyche and intellect. Now, 10 years in, I saw a whole new aspect of him. The truth for him was that, at the time, seeing psychics helped him ease through a wave of anxiety and get to the other side. But what I told myself at the time was that he’d been looking for me, a psychic, all along, I just had to figure out who I was.

Now, on to what precipitated that text. He’d been working on a project that was taking upwards of a year and half to pull together. The day before this text arrived I heard him pitch an epic fit after he got some disappointing news. You should know, my husband doesn’t pitch fits and this was a monumental heave of frustration and self criticism. The text that came, and the following reaction, indicated his willingness to finally begin to listen to himself. 

Sigh. And there it is. Will it last? I hope so, for his well being and future success. Perhaps he’ll want to take my course. How about you? Would you like to shortcut 22 years and focus on your own psychic development? I’m launching my Psychic Development Masterclass soon and would love you in a seat, let me know if you’re interested.

This question makes me nuts

And it's one of the most commonly asked!

What’s my purpose? Who  am I? What am I to make of myself? How am I to serve? And on and on. I fell into this particular rabbit hole for a very long time too.

It’s not that anyone is wrong for asking. But it’s what lies underneath the question that irks me. Our dominant white, anglo-saxon, protestant culture has done an excellent job drumming us into believing that this question even needs to be asked. The DNA of the question implies that you’re not deserving of being here, on this planet, unless you're producing something, have accomplished something or have landed on some great meaning to your existence.

It’s all bunk, hogwash and baloney.

So, let me be a foil to this question and say you don’t need a purpose. You’re pre-approved. If you’re living and breathing, you don’t need to justify your existence and earn your keep on this planet. Choose the easy path and head straight to joy, don’t over-complicate it. Your joy is what this planet needs and that’s more than enough. 

As for me, it took me a long time to figure this out. And truth be told, I backed my ass into what I’m doing now. Previously, I had spent 2.5 years trying to recover what was left of my 17 year career in design which I knew was no longer available to me. So, I tried to get a peripheral job as a project manager. That proved no easy task. The best I could get were temp jobs in New Jersey, since no one in NYC would return my emails much less hire me. It felt like a stunning downward trajectory from my 20th floor window on Madison Avenue. The good news was I no longer cared about the view from that window. 

So, here I was, an older and wiser version of myself. I was still in the throes of some nasty chronic illness stuff, which consequently was a great teacher. I got fired from my first gig because one of the gals I worked with assumed it was her right to treat me like garbage. That was a hard no, and apparently saying so wasn’t allowed. Then I bounced to a gig in the marketing department of an investment bank. Oh good I naively thought, a staid old bank, should be relatively easy and quiet.

Welp, not so much. I worked there from Wednesday to Friday and was shocked by the drama, backstabbing and utter discontent of my new co-workers. I dreaded returning on Monday so much that I was vibrating with anxiety the entire weekend. My body’s protest, let me know in no uncertain terms that going back was out of the question. Distraught, confused and in tears, I sent ‘I quit’ emails to the temp agency and my 3 day supervisor. I’d never quit like that before. I was ashamed and embarrassed, but I was also free. 

So in the days that followed, I asked myself: What’s the easiest thing I can do? What would be fun and bring me joy? And that was it, I made the leap, hung out my shingle and the rest is a happy and fulfilling history.

It all seems so obvious now in retrospect. I mean for Christ’s sake I was moved like a chess piece to the front door of Marge’s house. Our friendship had been so pivotal and monumentally important to me, and still is. I knew as far back as 2009 that she and the little yellow house had something to do with who I was to become. But I was in deep denial. I knew that accepting her as my mentor, saying yes to this psychic path, would change my life irrevocably. And it has. My life is vastly richer, deeper, more colorful. I’ve also experienced enormous losses in the conclusion of some relationships. I think on a subconscious level, I knew these conclusions were coming and I resisted, unable to metabolize it. This allowed fear to fester till the gift of chronic illness taught me to: become or die. It was that stark.

So, what’s your purpose? Can I encourage you to drop that question and its underlying implication of your unworthiness? Can I encourage you to find your joy? Can I implore you to simply do what’s easy? Can I ask you to pay attention to what lights you up? Can I hold your hand while you ignore your education, family, friends and culture and move forward into the vast unknown?

I hope so. Let me know if I can help.

Psychic stuff happens for you

Not against you…the power and responsibility of being psychic

I had an experience recently that I thought important to share with you, dear reader. I had a client, completely psychic in their own right, but struggling with it. They came to me in dire straits. They’d had dreams and other psychic downloads that led them to be worried that some harm would befall their family. I’ll refrain from any details to protect identities. Suffice it to say, it was a stressful read.

It appeared to me that they were justly concerned. I gave them the bits of intel that landed in the butterfly net of my own consciousness. These bits triangulated neatly with their own intuitive concerns and suspicions. But by the end of the reading I was deeply concerned that their fear was stymying their ability to think clearly, take action or change course.

And therein lies the quandary. What to do when a psychic premonition paralyzes you with fear? First you have to distinguish it, and that is the hardest part, because most of us dismiss these pings. Then the next question is, is it fear and anxiety or is it psychic information? 

It has taken me many years to suss this out and best I can tell you is that initially, psychic information has no feeling or texture to it at all. It’s simply a download of information that happens spontaneously. It's always followed by an internal argument - your ego - that tries to divert your attention away from the psychic information. Getting to know your psychic self requires time, patience and practice and is helped by being in community with other like minded folks. These critical pieces my client didn’t have the luxury of having under their belt. And they were in the unfortunate position of having ignored and pushed these pings off for some time. The result is a snowball effect of overwhelming and paralyzing worry. In short: a hot mess.

They followed up later, still freaking out and now upset because I’d failed to make them “feel better”. Now, I’ve had this problem before. Clients who use my service under the mistaken assumption that they’ll hear something they want to hear. That I’ll erase their doubt and put them at ease. Or worse that I have access to some magic that may prevent whatever event they fear may befall them. 

Of course it doesn’t work this way, but I can’t blame them for trying. I always give people exactly what I get in that butterfly net, sand, grit and all. Sugarcoating anything would be doing a great disservice and actually could imperil them, leaving them with a false sense of security. 

Seeing a psychic is like looking into a supernatural mirror. If we’re lucky we’ll see into layers and corners that are not obvious to the client. These little details may help you navigate forward or hopefully, confirm hunches you’ve had for yourself.

This part bears repeating: psychics and other lightworkers have no power to prevent tragedy. Run far and wide from any psychic who says they have that power (they’ll usually have their hand out expecting additional payment).

I know in my heart of hearts that this lesson looming in front of my client is pushing them to listen and take themselves seriously. Consciousness grooms and expands us precisely for the purpose of being a greater asset to ourselves, our families and everyone in our circle. It helps to shift to a mindset that the intensity of everything that’s being felt is For you not Against you. If we resist and ignore our awareness, then we’ll get the products of our resistance and ignorance. Not a pleasant combo - take it from me. If we listen, recalibrate our plans and adapt, we should feel a measure of relief.

Now that all of that is established, it’s important to note that we are not responsible for Life and Death. It simply doesn't work that way. There’s God and between God and whatever our individual life plan is (which we mere mortals don't always get to know and/or understand) this creates the individual's story. You can have an impact, but you can not control all the outcomes. Our power lies in taking excellent care of ourselves, taking ourselves seriously, and following up on the intuitive cues you get. 

As always, let me know how I can support you. And if you're interested in developing this for yourself, reply to this email and I’ll let you know what’s coming up in the Psychic Development Masterclass. I look forward to seeing you there.

How are you holding up?

Pandemic checkin year 2

About six weeks before the pandemicWhat do you think it would look like broke out in the NYC area I had a god-awful dream. In it I was a drone hovering over the New York Harbor. Below me the Statue of Liberty was knocked off her base, broken in many pieces. She was a smoldering wreck and there was destruction all around me.

To say I was freaked out is an understatement. I knew this was a premonition, but of what? I was too frightened to inquire more and chalked it up to anxiety about the election year we were in. This is a mistake I make often, when frightened by something, I make an assumption so as to not inquire further. 

Then as we all know, the COVID virus landed in a suburb north of NYC and by March of 2020 it was tearing through NYC, gutting her in the months to follow. Life became a blur: homeschooling kids, moving through my days seeing clients, cooking, cleaning and stress baking cookies for EMT workers. 

Now it seems we’ve all gotten into a grove. I’m grateful my kids are vaccinated and back in school, the toll on our mental health alleviated somewhat. But COVID’S left in its wake, unbearable loss of life, loss of income and normalcy and so much more. 

Marge and I made it through. We’re still rolling with the punches. Keeping her safe I do all her grocery shopping now. We also ramped up our prayer work. This is a practice she and I began a few years ago when a friend's husband was diagnosed with cancer. She adds our “patient” to her meditations and I add them to my positive visualizations. Each of us praying for the very best outcome. So, can I add you to the list? Do you have someone in mind that could use the support? Send me a note with their first name and what ailment they’re experiencing and I’ll add them in.

A hearty thank you to each and every one of you that has allowed me to support you in this time. I appreciate you no end.

Sweet Awakening

Cultivating your psychic self 

My own journey to understanding myself as a psychic person could best be described as waves. Somewhat confident, but mostly inconsistent with feelings of confusion as to what was happening to me. What’s funny is that in retrospect, I recall years of praying that I would be of good use to people, but I had no conscious idea what my gifts were. 

I flirted with becoming a pastor and possibly a social worker. Finally, I settled into a career as a graphic designer and art director after reflecting on the people around me and mimicking them. You would think my experience meeting and befriending Marge and the story of the little yellow house would have been a big clue. But I was in deep denial, I was putting forth my best effort to fit in and be normal. It worked for a while.

A pivotal moment came after the birth of my youngest child. It was spring and we packed up the kids to take them to Prospect Park in Brooklyn. As we were parking the car I had an overwhelming feeling of warmth and loving-kindness. It radiated out from my chest. My friend Daphne appeared in my mind's eye. I thought, well that’s curious.

Daphne is an incredible woman. She’s light, loving, funny and full of joy - no matter the challenges she faces. I’d met her in the late 90’s when I was volunteering and was her tutor for a bit. She attended my wedding and we remained friends but with me raising a family I didn’t get to connect with her beyond my annual Christmas cards.

We entered the park that day and it was gorgeous and packed full of people. The sky was brilliant blue and it was perfect t-shirt weather. I settled in on a blanket and commenced to feeding my new baby when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Daphne. Sitting there, feeding him I was able to integrate the loving kindness radiating from my chest and the vision I’d just had. Well I’ll be damned. I got up, we embraced like the long lost friends we were, she oohed and ahhed over my new baby. It was a picture perfect day. I’ve got so many stories like this, that helped me to actually see myself.

How about you? How many stories do you have? If you’d like to develop these skills, I’ve got a Psychic Development Masterclass coming up. Let me know if you’d like to be in on that.

The Worst Kind of Infinity Loop

And the first 3 keys of getting out of the loop 

I’ve talked a lot about my relationship with my body, but I haven’t told you how this new intimacy got started. I had what I thought was a good understanding of caring for my body. I encouraged others all the time to take good care of themselves and thought I knew what this meant for me too. But the reality was very different. 

I had my 3rd child in 2011 and between then and 2013 I teetered. I worked full time in a career I had long stopped caring about. My sleep was slipping and I relied on coffee to get through the day. We were able to refinance our home which gave me an out to leave my job. But the damage was done. I thought I was going to be able to finally pursue my dreams, whatever that meant. But my health fell off a cliff. I lost my ability to fall asleep and thus began a cycle of burnout and insomnia that I would not wish on any living soul. 

Years went by and doctor after doctor provided no relief. I was left with the daunting task of figuring it all out myself. I’ve often compared this process to being an orchestra conductor with no previous musical experience. I was overwhelmed. 

By 2018 I made the choice that I was going to recover my health by hook or crook. Mind you I had no idea how, but I intuitively knew there was power in making the choice. I got a clue that all this was brain related when I realized I could intermittently fall asleep while watching TV. This led me to the conclusion that even though I was managing some very intense physical symptoms, if distracted, my body would calm enough to allow me to fall asleep. Interesting I thought. I eventually learned that every thought we think, everything we pay attention to, including our personal relationships has a hormonal impact on the body. These fight flight hormones, which are housed in the limbic system of the brain, were stuck in the ON position, causing me a slew of chronic health conditions.

Here, I spent years waiting and wanting to feel better in order to physically get better. My new understanding was that I literally had to practice feeling better in order for the physical symptoms to alleviate. I began to experience relief immediately. But as with anything brain related, healing isn’t a straight line, it’s the world's most confusing, frustrating, circuitous loop, but I was well on my way. 

I think the most important thing to understand about the brain is that scientists call it a “use dependent” organ. Meaning that as a device the brain makes it easy for you to perform actions and thoughts repetitively. So, if you suffer from depression, depressive thoughts and experiences are on repeat. If you have OCD, your brain keeps pinging you with opportunities to keep checking your safety. The brain's job is to serve up physical symptoms and thoughts that match your most conditioned state of being. That’s why I call limbic dysfunction the worst infinity loop. How can you possibly have a shot at change if your brain is stuck in a loop like this? Having been there, I know it seems like an impossibility.

In the coming weeks and months I’ll be sharing keys to restoring health and well being. Here are the first three:

Choice
This was the turning point for me. I allowed myself to believe that change was possible, based on absolutely no evidence. In fact, from where I was standing the odds seemed largely against me. Making the decision to believe change is possible is a frightening proposition. What if I failed? This is a question we have to continually turn on it’s head to: What if I succeed?

Consistency
The choice I mention above is not a one off choice. I literally had to choose everyday, often many many times a day to change my life and my health. I also committed to walking every day, no matter what. With sleep - without sleep, no matter the weather. For me walking was one of the ways I got back into the world. Find whatever makes you feel good. Commit to it and do it regardless of which way the wind is blowing.

Sensory Input
The brain as the command center of the body receives incoming information through our five senses. This info  - good and bad - conditions our brains and bodies with stress and/or feel good hormones, preparing it for the future. In a limbically injured brain, it's the bad hormones that have wired the brain to illness both physical and mental. This creates an infinity loop of both physical and mental anguish. This repeating pattern keeps reinforcing whatever your predicament. And worse the predicament spreads like a fanned fire, which is why there is rarely one chronic illness, it’s usually an ever expanding list of ailments.

But here is some life saving information - your brain and thus your entire body can’t distinguish between the past, present and future. So how do we use this to our advantage? We rewire the brain with new information and we starve the mental loops and physical symptoms of our attention. The method is this: recall positive memories and conjure desired future events. This is key. As you bask in the visualizations, it’s paramount to pull in the rest of your senses: smell, sound, touch and taste. Light your imagination up with this new information. The body responds to the replay of events as if it were happening in the present moment with feel good healing hormones. Over time, and with consistent effort, the brain wires to well being, quieting the mental loops and calming the body symptoms.

Not gonna lie, this is intense work, real Jedi mind trick-type stuff. 

So, the good news – change is possible. Bad news – we’re not wired for easy change. Creating health and well-being requires so much from us on every level. It can’t be left to chance or done erratically. I’ll have more tips coming soon. In the meantime, let me know if you have any questions and if you need any support. Sending you much strength and fortitude as you make a commitment to yourself.

The Hardest Easiest Thing To Do

A sweet lesson I learned 

I’m a cat mama. Have been for my whole life. Somewhere there’s a picture of me sleeping as a small child with kittens tucked into every limb of my body – my idea of heaven. Even as I type this there are 3 cats dispersed on my bed. I call them my co-workers. I once had a psychic experience with one of my cats years ago, as I was just beginning to understand myself. I was in the kitchen and when I looked at my cat Benny I instantly thought of the word: EAR. The following day his entire ear was swollen. I took him to the vet, got some ointment and all was well. I now know that was a lesson to encourage me to trust myself. 

Cats are still teaching me a thing or two. And I wish I could say I always pay attention – but, like every other human, there are stretches where I don’t listen well.

For the last 5 years I’ve been caring for two outdoor cats. Mr. Bland, a chunky orange and white boy and a bruiser named Jimmy. Jimmy is one of those irredeemable feral guys. He’ll let me give him pets but then turns on his heel and bites me. Mr. Bland on the other hand, took about 3 years to let me get within an inch of him. When he finally did he rolled on his back so I could rub his belly and jumped on my lap just to snuggle.. He’s a good boy.

In this window of time I’d lament about not having a lap cat. All three of my other indoor cats are sweet, but won’t cuddle with me. The week before Christmas, something strange happened. Mr. Bland went missing and I was worried. He finally turned up on the morning of Christmas Eve and looked like he’d aged about 10 years, he was also struggling to eat. My husband and I scooped him up and brought him to the vet. Poor guy had a nasty upper respiratory infection. We got him inside and on antibiotics and he’s made a quick and full recovery. After that I put two and two together. Here is the lap cat that I’d been wanting, but was unwilling to receive. He’d been there the whole time and I resisted, with one excuse or another.

Do you feel better giving gifts than receiving them? I think this is true for a lot of people. We’re not conditioned to receive in this culture. We’re prized for our output and sacrifice. Receiving takes practice. And here’s the most important part – we all want something, but if we’re always in a gifting mode – which can be a form of control – then we’re not allowing space to receive.

So, how about you? What are you holding yourself back from and not allowing yourself to receive? I promise that even if it’s disconnected from what you want - it’s all connected energetically. Can I encourage you to practice receiving? Receiving compliments without minimizing yourself? Receiving gifts from folks without feeling indebted? Easily said, harder in practice, but give it a shot. It may open a lot up for you. Let me know how it goes.

Polarity is a Lie

How I started to do “The Work”

Years ago, I bought a book that I thought would help me out. I was at the beginning of a long dance in the shadow of my family's generational trauma. This particular movement involved my mother and my total inability to understand her and thus my judgment of her. This condition sadly persisted for years.

The book, The Work by Byron Katie, poses 4 seemingly easy questions. The point of the questions is to turn judgement on its head. If done correctly, you, through the effort of your own questioning, you come to integrate the futility and harm of judgement. I didn’t get it at the time even though I could see it’s illuminating clarity. Stymied, I put the book down. 

Just this week, the principal of my youngest kid’s school, which is strong on social justice, shared this quote by the great Dr. Martin Luther King, in which he was inspiring fellow pastors to action:

…And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites, opposites, so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love….Now, we got to get this thing right. What is needed is realizing that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love…

So, how do we seek justice and stay out of judgment? How do we embody power and keep it rooted in love? How in God’s name do we do this work when seemingly the entire world, and my own family included, is engulfed in the lie of polarity? 

Best I can tell is to carve out a space for yourself [this won’t be popular by the way]. Reject the dominant narrative and go inside, is there a rightness and wrongness calculator in you? Not likely. If cultivated, with kindness and self love, there is space. Space for what’s possible. Space for standing up for oneself. Compassion and allowance for others to navigate their own way – regardless of our understanding. 

So, today, I no longer feel on the hook for fixing my mother or repairing the wounds within my family. I know each individual must heal themselves, and perhaps, when done collectively we can experience the healing of the whole. And now, finally, I understand The Work.

Here’s a little secret

A decision making hack everyone can do

It might surprise you to learn that I get stuck too on big life decisions. I’m not immune from wanting things to go a certain way which can certainly muddy the mental waters. I’m a little less muddy now than in the past. But in 2012 I was in such a state I bought 4 tarot decks and a handful of tarot books to help with decision making and shift the low level dread that had parked itself on my chest. 

Gratefully things did shift with the benefit of time. And even with my rudimentary tarot knowledge, I got some decent feedback from the spreads I employed. I learned later of another system of inquiry that is profound and cultivates self trust. It was developed by Swedish Physiotherapists around the late 1800’s and it’s called Applied Kinesiology aka Muscle Testing.

We’ve all likely heard the bit that our conscious mind only makes up 5% or less of our intelligence and brain capacity. Whereas the rest is dedicated to the subconscious mind which is recording every experience we’ve ever had, operating our respiration, perspiration, heartbeat, musculature and so on. The subconscious mind is our behind the scenes workhorse.

Muscle testing taps into this extraordinarily intelligent system. Here’s how it works: your brain is an electrical organ, your heart – a magnetic organ, and the whole of your body runs on energy which animates us. This animated system is deeply affected by: our thoughts, emotions, foods we consume, toxins, and numerous imbalances in our environments. The operating system for this animated system is the all knowing - all seeing subconscious mind which keeps us safe and humming along.

We can tap into this intelligent system when we pose true/false questions to our bodies, since the subconscious controls our muscle strength. We can pose questions related to our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. To sum it up – a true answer would produce a strong muscle response and a false answer produces a weak response. There are many many methods of muscle testing, but I’m only going to share two, which I think are the most effective and clear for us solo practitioners. 

Standing Method
Stand straight with your feet shoulder width apart. Have a slight bend at the knee so your legs aren’t locked. You’ll first determine the direction of your true/false by muscle testing your name. Say “my name is: Jane.” Now if your name is indeed Jane and you feel a slight pitch forward in your body - then that is true. If Jane is not your name you should feel your weight subtly shift to your heels and you’ll lean back. This would  be your false answer. Now, if the opposite happens and you get a true statement as leaning back - then the converse is true for you - leaning back is your true and pitching forward is your false. This is why we test with our name first - to determine the baseline.

Pendulum Method
For this test you’ll need a pendulum or pendant necklace that has some weight to it. Sit at a table with your elbows supported. Hold the pendulum in front of you, get it as still as possible. Repeat the name testing above. After the question is posed, the pendulum should have a subtle swing, front to back or left to right. Determine which direction of the swing is your true false, using your name. Front to back is commonly true, left to right is commonly false, but trust whatever you determine for yourself! See the video for a quick tutorial of this method (my favorite).

Getting adept and having confidence with this comes with practice and most importantly, the evidence you receive from the answers you get. Journaling and keeping track of your q&a’s would be helpful to collate that evidence. So, let me know how this works for you!

New Year, new you

New relationship to your body

Two weeks ago I told you about my experience taking on the shame and baggage of others only to have my sweet body deal with skin cancer for years. When I finally figured it out, the last two remaining lesions healed spontaneously within one week. For nearly three years prior to this healing – my interior was twisted in knots and I could practically power a generator with the physical and emotional symptoms of PTSD. 

Transformations like this are almost impossible without integrating the quantum idea that observation (ie. the contents of your mind) becomes your reality - including your physical body. This mind-body-reality runs parallel with the knowing that all of us, to varying degrees, are psychic sponges. 

So, if our mind creates AND we’re permeable to thoughts, feelings and forces around us, what’s a human to do?

We can start by commanding our mind and harnessing awareness and observation of our thoughts and importantly, not judging or reacting to them. This is by far and away the hardest task, because we are by nature reactionary, we like to believe our thoughts. Our brains are shaped by this reactivity and when wired to stress, gossip, drama and trauma, getting off this wheel requires an olympic level commitment. This is a fundamentally repetitive process, which over time, eases as your brain is reshaped and hardwired to well-being [more on neuroplasticity in future newsletters].

As for the permeability of us in which we end up living at the effect of others, there is a magic tool for that. Last week I discussed ASKING your body what it wants. Now we tweak this question and turn it toward every thought, feeling, emotion, ache, pain, chronic condition we may be experiencing. We can ask all of it: Who does this belong to? 

In his book, Body Whispering, Dr. Dain Heer explains that if you feel a sense of lightness, it’s not yours and it’s also not your job to figure out where it came from. Simply thank your body for its awareness and return whatever it is to the sender, bonus is to say a clearing statement to discharge the energy behind it.

Conversely, if you get a heavy feeling, you can claim responsibility for what your body is trying to make you aware of. Some judgement, some fixed point of view which isn’t true for you is festering within or perhaps you took on the dis-ease as a means of healing it for others. Now, the seismic shift I experienced required me to hire a coach. They helped me to see what I’d been blind to, they were brutally honest with me. They helped me to see where I’d been committed to a victim identity, called me out on where I was abdicating power and helped me to see that I was shaming myself instead of claiming myself.

So, are you ready to apply this new tool? Are you ready to see your body as the key to all that’s locked up within you? Do you need some coaching? Let me know, I’m here to support you.

Bah Humbug...New Year’s resolutions

The end of the war on your body 

New Year’s resolutions usually center on some fault we have with our bodies. I honestly never really got the trend, I was more into punishing my body all year long. I’ve done marathons that my heart wasn’t into. I’ve done fasting, keto, low-carb/high-fat. I was a vegetarian for 25 years and drank apple cider vinegar till I could gag. 

I’m going to venture to guess you’re a lot like me. You’ve tried a lot of things and no system seems to stick. 

In addition to the punishment we dole out on our bodies in the form of rigid resolutions, then we judge ourselves. I know I’ve been relentless and so unkind to my belly, my thighs, and my skin. Why can’t it all just cooperate?

From a neuroplastic perspective, all the judgment creates more inflammation in the body. And there we are, on a very unhappy hamster wheel. 

I’d like to introduce a different way. It’s so deceptively simple. But first, you need to embrace one simple, radical concept. There's you that’s your mind. Then there's you that's your body. The body has its own intelligence independent and simultaneously interdependent of the mind. 

Has your mind ever given you the idea to eat something, or wear something, or be intimate with someone - but then there was a pause. It may have felt a nano-second in which you got a ping to not do it? Instead, your “rational” mind won the internal argument. You ate the thing, you wore the outfit, you slept with the person, and then you got indigestion – blisters on your feet – regretted the night? Yah, I know, me too.

That ping was your body waving the flag for you to reconsider that choice. And here’s the best part, you don’t have to wait for a ping!  You can simply ASK your body what it wants. You’ll receive a subtle interior answer. Be open to how your body will respond. Understanding these subtle answers to your questions will take some practice, but it’s totally doable and oh so worth it.

So, how about you, can you give this a whirl? Would it help if I told you I lost 30 lbs just by listening to my body? No diet, no deprivation of any kind. Let me know if you need support, I’m just an email reply away. If you’re a reader and want to dive into this subject at length, the box below has a couple of wonderful books on the subject for you. 

Next week I’ll introduce another idea about the body that brings all of this together. Till then, enjoy the holiday season!

What's the Gift Inside You?

Consider this for your sweet body

Isn’t navigating a life and inhabiting a body weird? 

We all have the collective experience of both physical and inner realities. It’s this inner life of judgments, fear, and anxiety along with empathy, caring, beauty and understanding that amounts to the quality of our life experience.  

I like to think of the body as a modem or radio receiver. It collects data via our primary and subtle senses so that we can safely navigate within this reality. And directly at the center of this consciousness experience is our sweet often maligned body. 

This time of year I start to think of the tidal wave of judgment (in the form of New Year's resolutions) that our collective bodies are about to receive. It makes my heart hurt to think of it.

In my own Hero’s Journey my body, my sweet, faithful body, has been my greatest teacher. It’s taught me, through the most uncomfortable symptoms, what I should and should no longer tolerate in my life. It taught me where I needed to exhibit courage – even become ferocious in regard to minding my BEing. It’s only when I began to listen and prioritize my body did symptoms begin to ease. There was A LOT of trial and heaps of error.

An enormous lesson has been the realization that not everything my body experiences is mine. Much like a good therapist will tell you not to take your thoughts personally, the same is true for your body. Like the modem analogy, where a lot of crap is floating around the internet, likewise for your consciousness and your body. It simply isn’t yours.

This lesson came from my experience of skin cancer. When I realized I had let myself become a receptacle for the traumas and shame of certain family members. I made the decision to no longer take it on and poof, gone, skin that had been erupting for 3 straight years, healed spontaneously within one week.

Now I refuse to believe I’m some miracle case. These types of spontaneous remission stories are out there, but we all tend to collectively dismiss them, without digging deeper. And thus, we remain stuck.

So, how about you? This week, can you give your body some consideration? Can you allow it to lead? Can you determine what’s yours and what isn’t? Can you let your body dance? Is she allowed to enjoy ice cream? And more intimately, what has she been trying to tell you that you’ve been unwilling to hear? I promise you, she’s never ever wrong.

Stay tuned for more next week as we prepare for the new year, in keeping and not opposing our bodies. Till then enjoy the skin you’re in…

This time of year I start to think of the tidal wave of judgement (in the form of New Year's resolutions) that our collective bodies are about to receive. It makes my heart hurt to think of it.

In my own Hero’s Journey my sweet, faithful body has been my greatest teacher. It’s taught me, through the most uncomfortable symptoms, what I should and should no longer tolerate in my life. It was only when I began to listen and prioritize my body did symptoms begin to ease. There was A LOT of trial and heaps of error.

An enormous lesson has been the realization that not everything my body experiences is mine. Much like a good therapist will tell you not to take your thoughts personally, the same is true for your body. 

So, how about you? This week, can you give your body some consideration? Can you allow it to lead? Can you determine what’s yours and what isn’t? Can you let your body dance? And more intimately, what has she been trying to tell you that you’ve been unwilling to hear? I promise you, she’s never ever wrong.

Next week I’ll jabber more about living in keeping and not opposing our bodies. Till then enjoy the skin you’re in…

Psst...I’ve got a story for you

Reclaiming your time from gossiping energy vampires

I’ve found some of my greatest [edit: painful] personal lessons have come from my previous career in design.

Back in the 2000’s I was a newly minted Art Director. It was my first experience managing a team of creatives, I was thrilled and completely overwhelmed. I reported to a Creative Director who in turn reported to the Marketing Director. 

The CD and I became thick as thieves. He spent more time in my office kibitzing than in his own. The focus of our yarns was the Marketing Director and her evil pernicious ways. He dished up story after story and I ate it like a pig at a trough, buying into all of the unconsciousness without question. 

Gossip is curious in a number of ways:

• It’s high level complaining, which usually centers on a lack of acceptance with what is.
• It’s a fundamental killer of time.
• When in the throes, you believe you're being supportive for being a sounding board and it feels like bonding.
• It’s repetitive, you’ve likely had the same conversation in multiple permutations with a different set of variables.
• It’s addictive, because the stress hormones have trained your brain and body to want more and more.

It didn’t take long before I was fully in the draft of this manufactured drama. I mimicked his outrage so completely and felt perfectly justified in it. Then, something illuminating happened. I was pregnant with my first child and my husband picked me up by car from my Madison Avenue office in midtown. 

As we snaked through traffic, from 54th Street, all the way over the Williamsburg Bridge, it suddenly dawned on me that I had been complaining for all those many blocks. I stopped, midway across the bridge, completely exhausted from hearing myself yammer. I turned sideways – looked at my husband, who was dutifully nodding and aheming me, and I made a decision. I asked him to ask me to shut up the next time I started on the subject.

And that was that. I had quit – cold turkey. After my kid was born and I returned from maternity leave, I let my boss know that I could no longer roll in that trough with him. I was done. He took it well and acknowledged that our working environment would be healthier for it - and it was.

Having been there, I’ve got a challenge for you

Can you reclaim your time?

Can you stand up to folks that continually want to bend your ear with nothing valuable to say?

What will you do with this new space?

What can come next is so much better. More opportunities, more awareness, more energy that is your own creativity and consciousness. I hope you take me up on the challenge, so much goodness awaits.

When I was a newly minted Art Director I was thrilled and completely overwhelmed. I reported to a Creative Director who in turn reported to the Marketing Director. The CD and I were thick as thieves. The focus of our gossip was the MD and her pernicious ways. He dished up the stories and I ate it like a pig at a trough. 

Gossip is curious in a number of ways:

It’s high level complaining, which is lack of acceptance with what is.

It kills time.

In it you think you're being a supportive friend 

It’s repetitive, you’ve had the same conversation with a different set of variables over and over.

It’s addictive, because stress hormones have trained your brain-body to want more.

I was fully in the draft of this manufactured drama, so much so that I mimicked his outrage and felt perfectly justified in it. Then, something illuminating happened, I got pregnant. One day my husband picked me up from work and we snaked through traffic. From midtown, and into Brooklyn it dawned on me that I had been complaining for all those many blocks. I stopped, exhausted from hearing myself. My husband was dutifully listening and nodding, and I made a decision. I asked him to ask me to stfu the next time I started up.

And that was that. I was done. When I returned from maternity leave, I let my boss know I could no longer roll in that trough with him. He took it well and acknowledged that our working environment would be healthier for it - and it was.

Having been there, I’ve got a challenge for you

Can you reclaim your time?

Can you stand up to folks that continually want to bend your ear with nothing valuable to say?

What will you do with this new space?

When you do this, more opportunities, more awareness, more energy that is your own creativity and consciousness fills the space. I hope you take me up on the challenge, so much goodness awaits.

The Gift of Not Making It About You

Letting go of the urge to make yourself a victim

Many many moons ago, my best friend from college gave me the greatest gift. Not wrapped, just blunt, clear eyed honesty. She was upset about something, and I - always the ever anxious nervous nelly – asked her what I had done wrong. She said bluntly, “Why do you always think it’s about you?” Oof, the message was received loud and clear – and also – sweet relief! What a gift to point me out of my own way.

Now I see this pattern in self and others as a much darker iteration of shadow. The need to be centered in someone else's story, the privilege of it, the narcissism and insidious victim/victor dynamic – it’s gross. And yet, at one time or another most of us do it. The hard part is choosing to be aware and then getting out of the habit of making someone else's story about you. You should all be so lucky to have a friend like mine.

More personal experience tells me that there are folks who are deeply committed to perceiving the  unconsciousness of others and/or the abuse they’ve received as a story about THEM. Freedom can only materialize when we begin to understand that the harm others perpetuate has not a whip to do with us (no matter how abusers try to convince you otherwise). 

Sadly, so many folks are attached to their victim identity. Ever try to dislodge a victim from their story? “Victims are the most violent people,” says Byron Katie and I’ve certainly learned this first hand the hard way.

This is the point at which I need to make it crystal clear that I don’t under any circumstances condone abuse. Seems like a no, duh thing to say, but apparently some need to hear it. Every single day abusers abuse and unconscious people hurt others with zero afterthought. And some of us, only some of us, are reaching to be more conscious, more aware and more free. This is life in all its technicolor glory, good bad, right wrong. 

Now, I wish I was so wise that I only learned this gem of wisdom from my dear friend once. But I continued to take others personally for many years to come. Gratefully though, she planted a seed of liberation within me. For that I am ever grateful, thank you Dookie ;-)

So, what victim storyline are you invested in? Who’s made you the villain or victim in their narrative?Can I help you out of that? 

*What is Access Consciousness® coaching? Through their questioning format and use of the Clearing Statement we can create dynamic change in every area of your life - fast. These tools work to clear: limitations, judgments, and repetitive thought patterns on topics such as relationships, money, health, and business. The result is increased awareness and space. In that space, relief, joy and ease, which are your natural state, rise to the surface.

Many many moons ago, my best friend from college gave me the greatest gift. Not wrapped, just blunt, clear eyed honesty. She was upset about something, and I - always the ever anxious nervous nelly – asked her what I had done wrong. She said bluntly, “Why do you always think it’s about you?” Oof, the message was received loud and clear. What a gift to point me out of my own way.

Now I see this pattern in self and others as a much darker iteration of shadow. The need to be centered in someone else's story, the privilege of it, the insidious victim/victor dynamic – it’s gross. And yet, at one time or another most of us do it. The hard part is choosing to be aware and then getting out of the habit of making someone else's story about you.You should all be so lucky to have a friend like mine.

More personal experience tells me that there are folks who are deeply committed to perceiving the unconsciousness of others and/or the abuse they’ve received as a story about THEM. Freedom can only materialize when we begin to understand that the harm others perpetuate has not a whip to do with us (no matter how abusers try to convince you otherwise). 

Sadly, so many folks are attached to their victim identity. Ever try to dislodge a victim from their story? “Victims are the most violent people,” says Byron Katie and I’ve certainly learned this first hand.

This is the point at which I need to make it crystal clear that I don’t condone abuse. Seems like a no, duh thing to say, but apparently some folks need to hear it. Despite this, every single day abusers abuse and unconscious people hurt others with zero afterthought. And some of us, only some of us, are reaching to be more conscious. This is life in all its technicolor glory, good-bad, right wrong. 

Now, I wish I was so wise that I only learned this gem of wisdom from my dear friend once. But I continued to take others personally for many years to come. Gratefully though, the seed of liberation had been planted within me. So, what victim storyline are you invested in? Who’s made you the villain or victim in their narrative? Can I help you out of that?

Why I’m a reformed love and light lover

The necessary and painful path of shadow work

After I left the corporate world, years ago. I set out on my own, excited and terrified of what was to come. I think I could best describe myself at the time as equal parts magical and terrified. I was deeply attached to the magical part. So attached that I even had towels monogrammed.

This of course left me way out of balance and anxious. I felt like I was in a state of constant carbonation - like a can of soda that had been shaken - ready to bust.

At the time I was doing a lot of tarot for myself which I gravitate toward when feeling lost. Over a few weeks I got the Tower card three times. The Tower card, as most folks agree, means, change is a ‘comin! But it’s not a pedestrian change. It’s the type of change where everything crumbles and burns to the ground in order for new growth to take root. To say I was FREAKED OUT was an understatement. 

What change was coming? What would befall me?

Then, I had an extraordinary dream. I was standing alone in a white box of a studio apartment with a large window that faced an ocean with no shoreline. I watched the horizon intently as I stared out that window. To my shock and horror I witnessed a cataclysmic storm making its way toward me. The anticipation and dread was nothing like I’d ever experienced before or since. The dream concluded with an enormous crack of thunder, everything turned to midnight and the wind of the storm whipped around and enveloped me.

In my waking life I carried on as best I could. Till finally, my body, in it’s extraordinary wisdom, decided it was time to be my teacher. It brought me to a grinding halt. I then began the long and arduous task of trying to figure it all out. I carelessly thought that the process of “healing” would take 6 months! HA, said my body. 

This shadow work has been a nine year journey thus far. I have experienced extraordinary lows inhabiting my body. I came to understand that I had completely checked out on myself. I followed and even mimicked others so that I could fit in and be “acceptable”. I knew this and continued to do it anyway because it allowed me to hide. That’s how frightened I was of becoming.

I this window of time, I have faced excruciating judgment and endured emotional violence from those who have claimed to “love me”. I have metabolized unbelievable losses. 

And now, on the other side, what I’ve gained is impossible to measure. I have access to a joy and freedom that I did not know was possible. I chose myself under the most extreme circumstances. I rejected the conditioning that creates the vicious cycle of generational trauma within my family. In short, I became.

After I left the corporate world, I could best describe myself at the time as equal parts magical and terrified. I was so attached to the magical part I even had towels monogrammed.

This left me way out of balance and anxious. 

At the time I was doing a lot of tarot for myself and over a few weeks I got the Tower card three times. To say I was FREAKED OUT was an understatement. 

What change was coming? What would befall me?

Then, I had an extraordinary dream. I was standing alone in a studio apartment with a large window that faced an ocean with no shoreline. As I watched the horizon intently to my shock and horror I witnessed a cataclysmic storm making its way toward me. The anticipation and dread was nothing like I’d ever experienced before or since. The dream concluded with an enormous crack of thunder, everything turned to midnight and the wind of the storm whipped around and enveloped me.

In my waking life I carried on as best I could. Till finally, my body, in it’s extraordinary wisdom, brought me to a grinding halt. I then began the long and arduous task of trying to figure it all out. I carelessly thought that the process of “healing” would take 6 months! HA, said my body. 

This shadow work has been a nine year journey thus far. I have experienced extraordinary lows inhabiting my body. I came to understand that I had completely checked out on myself. I followed and even mimicked others so that I could fit in and be “acceptable”. I knew this and continued to do it anyway because it allowed me to hide. That’s how frightened I was of becoming.

In this window of time, I have faced excruciating judgment and endured emotional violence from those who have claimed to “love me”. I have metabolized unbelievable losses. 

And now, on the other side, what I’ve gained is impossible to measure. I have access to a joy and freedom that I did not know was possible. I chose myself under the most extreme circumstances. I rejected the conditioning that creates the vicious cycle of generational trauma within my family. In short, I became.

Can I help you in your own becoming? Let me know, I’m here to help.

Let’s Talk About Judgement

Dismantling the undergirding of the biggest block to personal power

I might get some hate mail for writing this dispatch. Yup, I may be judged, but here goes anyway...

Think about it, whom do you judge? The present president, the last one we had? Big oil? Folks that litter? Your parents? The person at the checkout counter? The list can become mighty because they deserve it - right? I know, I've been there and maybe you're there too.

It's this list I want to help you dismantle. I contend, using the example of my own personal experience, that judgment, and its sister - fear of judgment, have locked you up. Siphoned the very special sauce that makes you you - your energy. Additionally, judgment binds you in a perpetual cycle of confusion, like a treadmill to nowhere.

This past spring as I was zeroing in on the root causes of the basal cell carcinoma that had afflicted my face for three years, I came face to face with this conundrum. I was in a black hole of confusion. It wasn't until I realized that childhood trauma can be the root of many chronic illnesses that I began to see the tiger’s tail.

My particular brand of judgment centered mostly on the fear of being judged. At times lurching out and becoming myself. Other times I dimmed my shine out of fear of being judged by others, never really being chest-out, always hiding somewhat.  

Then, one day, in an Access Consciousness class. I had an epiphany...I realized I had been in the business of judgment. You see, judgment requires energy. Lots and lots and lots of energy. This energy siphons directly from you. It's your attention, creativity, drive, focus, your very life force.

So why are we all on the judgment treadmill? For one, we're conditioned to do it in our deeply protestant-ethic culture. We're also rewarded with the community for it. Got a judgment? There's usually a Facebook group you can find to support you in that. Finally, judgment is a kind of currency. It falsely elevates us. It separates the "good" from the "bad", dumbs us down, helps us to lose our complexity, and makes life easier to digest. It also affirms our rightness and our egos love nothing more than the drug of being right.

At the very center of all this, we mistakenly assume that by not judging we're somehow condoning: cruelty, and abuse and letting the "bad guys" get away with it. When the fact of the matter is folks who make "cruel" choices are simply doing that - making a choice. In the moment of a "cruel" choice, we also have access to choice. We can claim our power and our voice. We can override them, redirect or remove ourselves if the opportunity presents itself. But what usually plagues us is carrying the baggage of judgment long after these events have passed.

Within one week of making these realizations, my face spontaneously healed. Voila! Something that had plagued me for years - gone. It seemed like a miracle. I contend that all the energy I was using to make myself small - the energy I used to judge others for judging me, became unlocked. Once unlocked that energy knew exactly how to benefit my body.

Now, I don't suggest this is easy. You've got to be really ready for a shift like this. And notice that I never once mention "forgiveness" as I don't think that that is necessary. The absence of judgment is the DNA of forgiveness anyway - so might as well just get out of the business of judgment and leave forgiveness to itself.

So, what's left in judgment's place? What space and awareness can be yours by freeing yourself from judgment? What miracles will find you now that they have space to manifest? How much power can you be and enact without self-judgment? Let's find out...

(if you're interested in Access Consciousness classes, eliminating judgment and more, check out the link below to 4 Tools to Find Your Happy, November 23rd, 6 pm, Zoom event)