I was compared to Hitler

And also compared to the murderers of Matthew Shepard

This was the point at which I woke the fuck up, this was my turning point. 

I realized just how far these familial abusers would go, to shame me, to force me into submission with their groupthink. The reference to Matthew Shepard (God rest his soul) was an invocation of my own LGBTQ kids. To put a finer point on it – my abusers used my own queer kids in an argument against me, in an attempt to tear me down.

Even more maddening is that these are so-called “christian”, cis-het folks using the Holocaust and anti-gay violence as a comparative point to our generational family trauma. The pure privilege they demonstrated in these comparisons is as breathtaking as it is tragic.

What it ultimately boiled down to was that I wasn’t on their Hate Team. I was supposed to hate the very same person they hated, in the very same way that they hated them. Me straying from their narrative proved an existential threat. Thus I was excised from the family. Literally. The perpetrators hosted more than 20 calls, texts, emails, and in person meetings colluding to turn other members of my family against me.

I guess I must be pretty powerful to elicit these reactions. 

I accept that, yes, indeed, I am.

She Ra Princess of Power, from the animated series. Image 

Shortly after all this burst forth I found a SURJ [Showing Up For Racial Justice] article (link below) that opened my eyes to how white and male supremacy characteristics were woven into the very fabric of the familial abuse I’d suffered and saw repeated within our generational family trauma. (link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XR_7M_9qa64zZ00_JyFVTAjmjVU-uSz8/view)

Here are some abbreviated highlights:

Fear. We fear not being good enough, not being enough, not being lovable.

Perfectionism, One Right Way, Paternalism, and Objectivity. Requiring people to think in a linear (logical) fashion and ignoring or invalidating/shaming those who think in other ways.

Qualified. This particular characteristic is internalized primarily by middle and owning class white people, formally educated, who are taught by the culture that they are qualified and even duty bound to fix, save, and set straight the world.

Either/Or and the Binary. Positioning or presenting options or issues as either/or — good/bad, right/wrong, with us/against us.

Worship of the Written Word. An inability or refusal to acknowledge information that is shared through stories, embodied knowing, intuition and the wide range of ways that we individually and collectively learn and know.

Individualism and I’m the Only One. The belief that "I" can determine the

right way, am entitled and/or qualified to do so, in isolation from and without

accountability to those most impacted by how I define the right way.

Defensiveness and Denial. People respond to new or challenging ideas with objections or criticism, making it very difficult to raise these ideas.

Right to Comfort, Fear of Open Conflict, and Power Hoarding. Scapegoating those who cause discomfort.

To see myself and my extended family's trauma so boldly illustrated within this context and framework was both deeply sad and ultimately relieving. I credit this article with helping me to see these family dynamics within the wider context of our dysfunctional culture. 

So, dear reader, let me know how all this strikes you. Do you see yourself, your family, and the organizations you work for embodying these qualities? Do you need help shaking loose from all that? I’m here to help.

Being in a cult

The ultimate abandonment of self

I’ve been preoccupied lately with documentaries about cults: Scientology, Mormonism, NXIVM, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Jewish and Christian Ultra-Orthodoxy and more. All of it super fascinating and familiar to me.

I was almost recruited into a cult back in the early 2000’s. A random encounter with a fellow yogi in an elevator led to a few lunches. Before long she invited me to meet her “friend”. From their I was invited to meet higher ranking members of their organization. I met all of this with skepticism and curiosity and quietly asked myself, where is this going? Finally I was introduced to their leader, who looked a ringer for Marlon Brando in The Island of Dr. Moreau [so very creepy]! All of this courting of me came to a head when they informed me that I’d have to keep my association with them a secret from my new husband. All of my curiosity came to a screeching halt. I knew in my bones that asking me to keep a secret was a violation of me at its root, so I bowed out of that quickly.

Image: Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau, from the movie, The Island of Dr. Moreau

I’ve alluded in the past to tumultuous events in my extended family. Essentially it became a matter of life and death for me to wake the fuck up to the fact that I had endured many, many years of abuse: gaslighting, projection and scapegoating.

Waking up was no cake walk. And what I’ve been piecing together in the years since is noticing the very same patterns of a cult hierarchy, running through my family dynamic.

Below is a condensed list of cult association qualities compiled by the renowned Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Steve Eichel, President of the Board of the International Cultic Studies Association:

• The group is focused on a living leader of which members must display an unquestioning commitment.

• Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished.

• The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel. 

• The group has a polarized us- versus-them mentality, which causes conflict with the wider society.

• The group's leader is not accountable to the group or to any authority. 

• The leadership induces guilt feelings in members in order to control them.

• Members' subservience to the group forces them to cut ties with family and friends.

It sadly took me many more years to see the cult dynamic in my family then it did to wake up to a random encounter with a fellow Yogi. But, alas, I made it. I am healing, growing and flourishing. I can not be stopped. Despite the tremendous difficulty getting to where I am now, I would trade nothing for it.

So, dear reader…has someone convinced you of your wrongness? Have you been making yourself small in order to accommodate these individuals? Can I help you out of that hole? You know where to find me.

Next week I discuss this dynamic but from the standpoint of Supremacy. Stay tuned, it’s gonna be good.

Visitation Dreams

Make you a medium

My dear client M, relayed this beautiful story. When a notable person died recently – quite suddenly, she was a bit overcome with emotion, surprising even herself. She said a clear, strong prayer for the departed, full of loving energy and kindness. 

Within a short time, she had a dream, wherein the notable person revealed themselves to her, thanked her for her prayers and assured her that they were ok. She was a bit blown away by the experience. 

In our appointment she wondered if this was her consoling herself, or if indeed she'd perceived this person in spirit. Essentially she wondered if she could believe in her own experience.
She got a resounding YES, from me. Yes, that was a real experience. Yes you had a loving and positive effect on the transitioning consciousness of that notable person. And YES, it is safe to trust in you!

So many of you have had this type of experience. And more then a few of you long for your loved ones to visit your dreams.  

Should you have a visitation dream, please know that you are not required to DO anything about it. No you don't need to become a medium. Simply receiving it as a gift from spirit is enough. Give thanks.

Now, facilitating a visitation dream is harder. Primarily because you can not make spirit DO anything. The best advice I can offer is to get away from striving and wanting. I know, easier said then done. Acceptance of what is is the best invitation to spirit. 

Recently both my husband and daughter had visitation dreams with my recently passed mother in law. They were incredibly beautiful, moving and full of meaning for each of them and for our family.

For me, I've also had dreams. What I've been able to glean from them is that my mother in law is being far more pragmatic with me. She's sending me assurances that everything I've got cooking will come to pass. I am deeply honored and reassured by her efforts to communicate.

That's it for this week. More adventures next...

A Magnetic Curse

What to make of intense attraction

 The concept of attraction can be a misnomer when what you really  feel is possessed. 

Folks, I been there. In college I went through an intense relationship that was toxic and abusive. I'll save that for another time. What got me out of that disaster was a very handsome "friend" of mine. I say friend, because despite a multi years long flirtation it went absolutely no where. Lots of heat, no flame. My dearest, most trusted girlfriends rolled their eyes at me (who could blame them). They confronted me to: wake up!! (I didn't).

I subsequently invested years of myself into what was essentially a lie, his promise of a magical future. Which begs the question, why? I only have some guesses:

I projected on to him all the magic I was unwilling, and too frightened, to claim and to be.

In my internalized mysogny, I wanted to amplify him, to stand behind him so that I could hide.

He was legit, one of the most energetically magnetic people I've ever met (I was helpless!).

Maybe we shared a past life (or a few?)

He served his purpose, to get me away from an abuser.

So how did it end? I wish I could say abruptly. But it faded, over time. It was not easy and my feelings for him lasted way longer then I'm comfortable admitting. Gratefully, now it's in hindsight. Gratefully, now I've become and I no longer hide who I am. 

For folks that are suffering this cruel fate of possession, I offer some suggestions:

First, swallow the bitter pill that you are choosing this. You taking responsibility for your piece of the energy that creates the paradigm is the start of unraveling it. Nothing to do, simply acknowledging is enough.

Next step? Start asking the big questions: 

What was the purpose of this?
What was I to learn from this?
What does this person represent that I am unwilling to do or become?
What does hiding in this entanglement get you out of?

 And finally, get your energy work done! A lot of this attraction stuff isn't cognitive and no amount of talk therapy can unravel it. 

And, as always, reach out whenever.

Glorifying Birth

Demonizing death

I've come to accept that as a medium I have a different relationship to death then the average person. I haven't experienced existential grief as others have. I count this as a major perk of my vocation.

 In grace, I also haven't experienced the loss of a partner or child. So in humility I accept that it could happen, that existential grief, and certainly pray it doesn't.

 All this allows me the wiggle room to contemplate death. What’s clear is that we, collectively, have strong feelings and negative associations about death be they cultural, religious or familial.

 And here’s a revolutionary question…what if it all was just an interesting point of view? What would happen if you examined all those associations, the things you believe, and determined if any of it were true for you?

 Now, I'm no fool - trying to gaslight you out of your grief. I know the ache of loss and It's physically exacting toll. But I do stand for shaking the trees a bit. Examining what we believe – what we've been taught – opens the door to new possibilities. And in the possibilities could be an ounce of relief. And that is something I truly desire for you all.

Let me know where this lands with you. As always, here is you need me.

Death dreams and weird happenings

The mechanics of death energy

 The first deep loss of my life was my step dad who passed a number of years ago. 

He'd been a father figure to me since I was single digits. After my final visit with him I woke suddenly and felt his presence right next to me as I was laying in bed. I remember having to pinch myself to determine if I was awake or dreaming (awake). I didn't have the presence of mind to address him or make any inquiry. I just knew that in that moment he was "gone". Later that morning I learned that he was still hanging on and that my step brother, who was staying with my parents, had the exact same experience as me, at exactly the same time. He felt his fathers presence so strongly – and suspected he'd fallen out of his hospital bed – that he checked to make sure he was safe in bed (he was). 

 With the recent passing of my mother in law, I held out hope that she'd get out of the hospital. This hope was shaken in the following weeks when one setback after another accelerated her decline. Two days before her departure I had a interesting dream. In the dream I was looking into my own mouth. Tooth after tooth was cracked and more then a few were missing. I didn't think anything of it at first, except for noting the disquieting feeling of observing a mouthful of future dental work. 

 Two days passed I knew that that day would include my kids and my last visit with my mother in law. It also occurred to me that I hadn't looked up the meaning of the dream. Below is what I found.

 By 11:45 pm, after we'd all had our last heartbreaking visit, and my husband had dozed off to sleep while sitting next to her, she slipped away, quietly. The Lioness of our pride made her peaceful exit.

The dream made me wonder how many symbols I may have received and dismissed over the years because I didn't share the religious and or cultural roots of their origin. No regrets, I'm always developing my awareness and there's always something new to learn. So how about you? Any crossroads in your life that could use re-examination? You know where to find me.

Anger & Vulnerability

What I'm not proud of

In the month preceding my mother-in-laws death, we were scrambling. Or rather my husband was scrambling and I was doing my best, whatever that was. 

One morning in the middle of all the intensity, he was processing something and needed to bend my ear. All I can say is, I got triggered. I spoke in anger and was ungenerous about my mother in law. He, naturally, got upset with me and walked out.

I was confused and smarting for a few minutes. Part of me wanted to hang on righteously to the anger. But the better part of me knew I was a horses ass for not supporting him, especially when he needed me most.

What became crystal clear in the next hour of introspection was that I was terrified. I was frightened of losing this Lioness. My mother in law had been a steady, unwavering source of love and strength for almost half of my life. Underneath the anger was a vulnerability that revealed just how frightened I was of losing her. When I got down to the truth, I wept. Gone was the heavy feeling of trying to out maneuver something I was powerless to control.

When I put this together, and gratefully my ignorance didn't last long, I of course, apologized to my husband.

What I know with complete certainty now is that our vulnerability is a super power. Our anger and judgments are a smoke screen keeping us from the truth, from well-being and even from bittersweet grief.

We protect ourselves so hard against these forces, completely wrapped up in our right-ness and justifications. I think we're fully convinced we'll perish if we expose our vulnerability.

Could the same be true for you? Could your anger and judgments be stopping the flow of all good things? I'm here if you need me.

Generosity of Spirit

Missing my Mother in Law

I have some sad news, dear reader. My mother-in-law, Rosa Sasso, died on July 22nd. She was 84 years old. Less than one month earlier she had attended my son's 5th Grade graduation, pictured below. I can hardly believe she's gone.

She entered the hospital shortly after that graduation and within a few weeks she took a precipitous turn. She was admitted with low back pain - struggling kidneys. Then she contracted COVID and recovered. Then her kidneys took a turn and the remedy (dialysis), became more than her delicate condition could handle. She died peacefully just 3 weeks after she entered the hospital.

To say she was a force of nature would be an understatement. She was my mother-in-law and friend for 22 years and I'll never forget the day we met. It was the summer and Augie and I had been dating a few weeks. By week two we knew we were getting married and it was time to meet his family. I was nervous. I sat next to his mom and sister, attempted small talk, smiled, and spilled my water. As we left her house my future MIL stood on her stoop and sang an old Neapolitan tune. Her neighbor, strummed his guitar to accompany her. The entire experience felt like I'd entered a scene in the movie Moonstruck. I was a goner.

Little did I know that that song was the least of her generosity. Later on, she gave my husband and I almost $30k to finalize the down payment on our home. This was money she'd scrimped and saved over years, working as a factory seamstress and then a home health care attendant.

When I brought our first baby home she promptly quit her home health care clients to care for her first grandchild. At the time I couldn't quite wrap my head around this level of generosity. It was foreign to me, but innate to her. After my second child was born, I was headed back to work and overcome with emotion, trying to leave my newborn behind. She put her hand on my back and said, "Forza," strength. It was exactly the medicine I needed in that moment.

I wrote this dispatch from her home in Ischia, Italy. We were supposed to make this trip with her and felt strange and disorienting without her. In the coming weeks I'll unpack more of the mechanics of being a medium and managing grief. It's been a wild ride to say the least. For now I'll wish for you what she gifted me, Forza, strength for whatever it is that you face. Till next time...

Now what?

What to do with burgeoning awareness

 So it may look something like this...

You're planning - for weeks - a gathering of family or friends, what have you. When you get a suspicion that someone, central to the event, is not totally in. They may hem and haw, or they may show no outward sign of cold feet. What matters most is this suspicion you've got. This little nag that diminishes your anticipation and excitement.

Now most of us brush this off. We don't slow ourselves enough to look at this awareness. After all, the suspicion runs counter to what we want - which is for this event to go off without a hitch.

And there's the rub, there's a whole lotta stuff we don't want to know. Yet awareness requires us to slow down, to know what we know and to look at it.

So, time marches on and we get to our lovely event and the bottom falls out. That central person does the thing you suspected they'd do, they bailed and damnit, you're pissed.

Now if you'd engaged your awareness, and chosen to know what you know, this would look and feel a bit different. You'd be a lot less pissed. In fact, you’d likely chuckle - a knowing laugh - having proven to yourself how very powerful you are.

Could you have taken the opportunity to change the outcome? Can you change other people? I think not and this is the subject of a whole other newsletter. But, heck, changing the outcome isn’t the point.

The greatest point may be...you don't actually have to do anything with expanded awareness. You can take action if you like – to try to change the outcome. But maybe, your awareness is the point in and of itself. Simply choosing to know what you know: that the person you were counting on could not be counted on, brings a measure of relief.

So when this scenario pops up in your life, and you get that suspicion, know that you have choices. Ask yourself:

What can I do with this?

If you get stuck, let me know how I can help.

You have permission

To be happy

 I know I focus quite a bit on trauma. I'm pretty fresh coming through it myself and I worry sometimes that I lean on that too much with y'all. Sharing, perhaps oversharing...wanting to save others the pain I've been through.

I know it's not possible but if I can set some breadcrumbs down to show the way out then I feel it's been worth it. So - to shift - let me ask a couple of questions:

What's the point of being on this planet? 

Can we find our way to joy?

What's it gonna take to get there?

Truth be told I'm writing this newsletter from an airport bar.  I'm coming home from the memorial service of my aunt, my mothers oldest sister. There's something very clarifying about watching generations get closer to their at bat. I know too that that will be me someday. 

In my own circular journey I've arrived at this conclusion: the entire point of being here is to find your way to joy. I also know that for the vast majority of us, that sounds like a crock of sh*t.

So I offer more questions:

What can you put down (beliefs, people, places, things) that do not serve you?

Who could you become in the absence of those things?

This is a good enough place to start and frankly the hardest step. I had really significant attachments – people, places and things that I made so significant. And now, without them, I am so much lighter. I have no regrets, and much more joy is accessible to me. It wasn't easy getting here, there was a whole lotta  pearl clutching! But now, I'm free.

How about you? Let me know if I can help you traverse the way.

5 Psychic Misconceptions

Deconstructing awareness

I often interchange the words psychic and awareness. I mean, afterall what is a psychic capacity other than an enhanced awareness of ourselves and surrounding? Maybe half the population this capability. But far fewer actually tap into it. Here’s a short breakdown of what keeps people from trusting in their own awareness.

Misconception #1: Being aware is easy.

Y'all it ain't easy. This is no cake walk. Maintaining comfort and growing your awareness do not coexist. I am indeed sorry about that. The good news is, that with expanded awareness, everything does become crystal clear, in time.

Misconception #2: You can maintain selective awareness.

Y'all it's not possible to parse this stuff out. You're either aware or you choose not to be. It's only a choice. And real talk, most folks are unaware, and that is OK, no judgment from me! Choosing awareness is not for the faint of heart.

Misconception #3: Your life will be business as usual with awareness.

Nope, there's no going backwards folks. Y'all, I had a lovely client who was thrust into the world of spirit communication, can he turn that off now that he knows what he knows? I think not.

Misconception #4: Feelings and awareness are the same thing

Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are NOT your psychic awareness. Awareness may prompt certain feelings, but those come later - after the thinking mind has had it’s say. Do feelings somehow benefit or guide your awareness. That's a hard no. They don't help, they only lead to conclusion and judgment. The sooner you dis-identify with thoughts, feelings and emotions the saner you'll be. 

Misconception #5: You can maintain or stay the same.

Sorry to break it to y'all but, coming into awareness may break some eggs. This starts with getting real clear and honest about the who, what, wheres that support you or drag you down. This is the least easy part of awareness and as it may mean the end of things as you currently know them.

Is it any wonder why the vast majority of us put our heads in the sand? Gaining awareness is a marathon not a sprint. Remaining open and suspending judgement are key attributes. I’m here to guide you to know that you know. Let me know if I can support you.

Buying the Lies

Why we do it & how to stop

 Y'all I was in deep. So deep it's taken me nearly 10 years to claw myself out. So much trauma and drama swirling in my extended family and in my body, all because I bought some serious lies. 

 Here are the lies I bought:

My body is broken 

My family and the people I care about are for me.

 So much of what we do when we buy lies is because we're staving off our awareness. We can't see the truth (more true - we're unwilling to see it).

In my case I was unwilling to contemplate the complete brilliance of my body. For years I spent stuck in a loop: why was it betraying me? How do I fix it?

In my family relations I could not accept that there were folks, very close relationships, who had spent years judging, gaslighting and scapegoating me. I was more willing to buy the lies, and maintain my “wrongness” then I was willing to call them out and bring these relationships to a conclusion.

So I suffered. A lot.

Finally, after a long haul, my body helped me noodle it all out. I realized my body was responding to the lack of safety that I was refusing to supply for myself. My body, in it's supreme intelligence would not allow me to continue to carry on, blindly. 

What happened next, was that a tidal wave of vitality opened up for me. All the energy I'd used to maintain my denial suddenly got re-routed in the healing of the ding dang things I'd been managing.

What's hysterical is that I use my awareness professionally, but I'd been unwilling to use it in service to myself. Funny huh?

Now how do you stop buying lies? Perhaps you can start with a simple question:

What have I been unwilling to be aware of?

Opening the Pandora's box of awareness is never easy. There are good and valid reasons we've been unwilling to look. But if you're willing, perhaps inside are the keys to your well being?

If you need support in taking a look inside, I'm here for you.

In honor of YOU

Awe inspiring, jaw dropping, magical YOU

 I don’t say this enough, but, you inspire me. Seriously you do.

I’ve been on this professional path since 2016 and in that time:

• You’ve experienced harrowing losses, the deaths of those most near and dear to you

• You’ve lost your career and all the accompanying security

• Your partners have cheated or you have left longstanding relationships to chart the unknown, drawn toward an uncertain future

• You’ve been betrayed by family so deeply that you practically had whiplash

• You’ve survived domestic abuse, saved yourselves and your kids and have cultivated the courage to create a new future

• You’ve had near death experiences that have hollowed you and deepened you

• You’ve celebrated births while also managed grief

• You’re managing chronic conditions within your body and still find your footing each and every day

• You thought you needed to find your purpose or a romantic partner to justify your existence on this planet and are learning that your joy, gratitude and vulnerability ARE what creates meaning in your life

And you’ve invited me in to hold your hand through it all. I’ve been honored and grateful to witness your second, third and fourth acts. I thank you for the trust you’ve placed in me. I continue silently cheer you on. And lest you think I’m retiring – I’m just using a summer lull to bask, breathe, reflect and appreciate you.

You want what you want

So divest from the outcome

I know this is pretty counterintuitive but stay with me.

I’ve had countless clients who book my time in the hopes that our meetings will help them procure the outcome they are hoping for. This is of course, the most difficult encounter - when folks have an agenda. My most recent call fell into this vein. I knew in the first five minutes that she was bound up by her own expectations. Her resistance in full effect as she was yessing me, nodding her way through our session and clearly not listening. 

She had plans to attend to: the husband that was supposed to materialize years ago, a house they were to buy, babies she was supposed to be having, family expectations she was supposed to be meeting.

And him not showing up? That wasn’t according to plan.

Here's the thing, I saw none of that happening for her. It appeared to me that her life was to take a different path. Something energetically exciting and unfamiliar to her, something more nomadic and romantic. I didn’t get all the details, but what I did know for sure was that there was no white picket fence on her horizon as far as I could see.

And here’s the kicker. She knew this too. Toward the end of our call, our second in the last year, she admitted that she didn’t even want to get married. She went through a couple of relationships in the last year, half hoping they were the “one” that she could hitch her wagon to. But she couldn’t quite convince herself to take these relationships seriously. Side note: I’m never going to see something for you - if you a) don’t want that outcome or b) can’t imagine it for yourself.

And there's the rub…many of us are wanting things that perhaps aren't meant for us. On the subject of women of a certain age, marriage, babies, et al, is that even right for you? Is there something different or less conventional that you haven’t considered? Can you live with the mystery?

I see so many women trying to pour themselves into this particular mold with it’s narrow scope and definitions. Not that being a wife and mother is a bad thing, I did it, but I readily admit it’s not for everyone.

all of it, good and bad,.. And all of the “good” stuff - the stuff you want - follows your joy. Its really that simple. And the hard truth is that you can’t maintain your joy and do CONTROL at the same time.

You see, your life: the new job, world travel, partnerships and relationships, new home, is a creationship. It’s all built in partnership with so many energetic forces that are conspiring on your behalf. It all comes easier and faster if you loosen the reins, divest from all expectations and allow for something that is beyond your imagination (and mine!) and find your way to happy. 

 To help chop up the blocks of rigid thought and expectation I offer these questions:

How can I find ease and joy in this very moment?
What grand and glorious adventures does today have in store for me?
How does it get any better then this?

Who’s the boss of you?

Out of the disempowering dead end

What I know with complete certainty is that there are massive forces in our culture that benefit enormously from your self doubt. Think about all the industries: medical, cosmetic, professional and more that create distance between you and you and make a sweet profit in doing so. There are so many experts and so little time!

When I was pregnant with my first child I toured a freestanding birthing center in Manhattan. At the conclusion of the Q&A I sheepishly raised my hand and asked if she, the director of the clinic, thought it would be ok for me, a first time mom, to give birth naturally. She looked at me - and deadpan retorted: I don't know, what do you think? How she shifted the tables on me, putting my self doubt on display, really knocked my socks off. It was uncomfortable, but I was incredibly grateful for her wisdom in that moment. 

For me it laid bare the truth: believing in yourself, trusting in YOU is just a choice. Albeit, one we've been trained out of. So, what would life would be like if you trusted you? How could you benefit from trusting the still small voice within you?

What's your story?

And does it stick you?

For a long time I was convinced that I needed to FEEL better in order to be happy. I was deeply locked into a melodrama with my body. Years of fighting adrenal, thyroid and sex hormone imbalances, kicked my fight flight system into the chronically on position, which in turn put me in the vast, horrendous land of depression and anxiety. Perhaps you've had a visit there?

That seemingly innocent conundrum: believing my body needed to be cured or healed BEFORE I made any attempt to address the depression and anxiety kept me in a perpetual chronic illness loop. I know now it was a lie. It was this dead end story that kept me sick. 

Let me repeat that…according to the principles of neuroplasticity - your thoughts create a chemical - hormonal reaction in your body. This pattern of thought either supports healing or supports disease. I've personally discovered there's very little middle ground in this equation.

One day I'd had enough. I had no idea what it would take to change everything in my body and life that appeared sideways, but after 5 long years of being broken I needed to make a decision. And so I did. I made the decision to heal, without any evidence or guarantee that I'd be successful. 

And now here I am, safely on the other side. I still have some of the diagnoses that I'd started with. And some conditions disappeared quite miraculously. I won’t suggest it was easy, but it certainly has been worth it.

So how about you? What stories are you buying simply because they've been banging between your ears for a long time? I know how terrifying it can be to put them down. A tip to get started is to invite this question: “who will I become?”. Then pay attention to the stories that surface. Identify the ones that keep you stuck. Finally, don't repeat the stories, not to yourself, not to others, simply observe them.

This seemingly simple shift, developing an awareness of the stories you've invested in, can kick start your healing quest. 

If you need a helping hand I'm here for you.

Like me, don't like me

Getting out of giving a sh*t

This is one of my favorite ideas: Like me, don't like me. It's not my business.

I gave up being liked about the time I hung out my Psychic-Medium shingle. I chose the more outlandish title over the option of calling myself the more palatable version: Intuitive Consultant. 

I did this to close the exits so I couldn't back out. I did this so I could actually embody the freedom of being who I was - without the need for approval I'd previously spent my life striving for. I did it to claim my crazy, wild & weird self.

I realize now that this required a metric ton of courage. Seems all change has this requirement for entry. From where I was standing I was out of options. I'd spent my entire life working terribly hard to fit in. I was very successful at fitting in. I had a job on Madison Ave, a nice title, a six figure salary. But I was done. I was burnt out. I was quite literally falling apart at the seams from the need to fit in.

So all the areas we yearn to fit in: our bodies and our weight, relationships or the lack of them, parenting, personal conflicts, all of it gets better when you stop trying to make yourself fit into a scheme you didn't design. And that begins with not giving a sh*t what others think of you.

So, can I invite you on the irreverent path? 

Join me.

Alignments & judgments

And how they stick us

Months ago I was in an exchange with with someone about the upcoming Psychic Developement class I was offering. 

They had a line of questioning related to what pov I was teaching my class material from. In other words, they wanted to know what my lineage was. Will it be white eurocentric, drawing upon my own ancestry? Will it be rooted in the NY State religion of spiritualism? Or would I be repackaging stolen content from indiginous cultures and shilling it as mine but with a fancy new white bow?

I had to explain that I take the largest pov possible, from outer space. All of my consciousness exploration work inevitably leads there. So, no, sadly I’m not rooted in anything that’s of this world. 

This folks is an illustration of how you create a ‘just so’ world. Everything ordered. Everything neat and arranged, so as to not get upset. Everything, “just so” so that you don’t get triggered.

I get the compulsion to do this. Navigating the heaves of hate and violence of this reality is exhausting. So, folks assume that their alignments & judgments will cultivate a safe space. And I have just one question, has it worked yet? Far as I can tell, this world is bedrocked in hate and violence. 

So how do you cope when everything doesn’t fit neatly into your world view? Does creating a safe space ensure your survival? Perhaps for a time. But it’s not a great long term strategy, lord knows I’ve tried. If you’re anything like me you’ve found yourself in a state of perpetual surprise when the world falls apart, which seems to be happening with alarming regularity these days.

I’ve found a different way, a peaceful way and that’s to allow what is. 

Now, the next natural step from there is to grasp that we are ONE with everyone and everything we are judging. How deeply inconvenient. 

To take it further, I also released the ingrained feeling that I’m somehow responsible for saving the world. Poof gone. Now I’m free to accept the world on it’s terms, and I’ll continue to do me, moving towards ease and joy – despite the unfolding of what’s around me.

So, how about you? Can I encourage you to abandon your precious pov’s? What would it take to navigate toward your own ease and joy? Could a few more conscious and happy people be a paradigm shift for the world? Maybe, just maybe, and call me if you need support.

Ultimate choice

Where your attention goes

 This is one of those deeply inconvenient truths. So inconvenient that most folks deny the truth of it. Our attachment to our thoughts, feelings and emotions runs deep. Our very identities are aligned with the gurgle of chatter that is the nature of mind. 

 The fact of the matter is that if we can't control our own minds what power do we have to sustain lasting change for ourselves - for our world?

What choice do we have?

For many people meditation helps at quieting the mind. A long time ago running helped to quiet my mind. The rhythmic beat of my feat would entrain my consciousness. Sometimes I'd pair the beat of my feet with an affirmation. It was good medicine.

 Since I started receiving energy work on a weekly basis achieving an empty mind has been a A LOT easier. Regardless of whether or not I have my running sneakers on. I’ve also paired this energy work with removing people from my life who see a wrongness in me. Now in addition to less mental clutter – I breath easier too, sweet relief!

These steps have given me so much space. Gone is the overwhelming responsibility I used to feel for fixing the world, which feels like an added bonus..I wonder what your strategies are for centering yourself in this wild world. If there's a new choice I can support you in making, you know how to reach me.

If you're laughing

You're free

I love this quote from Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness. It’s such a sneaky truth. The first time I listened to him, and co-founder Dr. Dain Heer, speak, I thought, Jesus these guys are idiots. Then I got the waves of benefits from what they offered and stood corrected.

I’ve been receiving the system of energy work they founded for just about a year now and everything has changed. I’ve gotten vast improvements in my health, my marriage, business and even my kids have benefitted from me being less heavy. And when they’ve let me run their bars, they’ve felt lighter too.

Now, I’m feeling more and more like a Village Idiot, and I’m perfectly content with that. I’ve released the need to take things seriously, figure it all out and found the complete wisdom of lightness, joking and putting down anything heavy. Life is way too short for all that.

 All these changes have made me like an evangelist for energy work and the Access system of asking questions. In questions we open to possibilities, and let’s face it - couldn’t we ALL benefit from more possibilities and fewer conclusions? In questions we open to the expansiveness of what’s right for US. We put down the need to add everyone and everything else to our equation. This leads to so much more ease. And that dear reader is what I hope for you all – ease and joy.

But can we receive ease and joy? That’s a question for another day…

In honor of PRIDE month, I’ll close out with a joke….

Q: How does a non-binary warrior attack? 

A: They/Them (get it? They-slash-Them)